Desert wild flower (photo by Rusty Storbeck) 
A cat from outside adopted Bill. He named her Priscilla. A few weeks ago she had her kittens. We never saw them till night before last. I found this photo on the web, because it looks so much like our Priscilla, but of course her babies are tiny. 7:57 am, Thursday, April 9, 2009CupcakeI forgot that April is my favorite month. The name is so pretty, April. And it’s my birthday month. And here on desert April is all about the green leaves on trees. They get their leaves on April 1 and each morning is a new glorious sight, because desert is “Jack and the Beanstalk” land. A weed which is one inch tall in the morning, by next morning is 6 feet tall.
Our glorious sunshine makes everything grow so fast. A week ago the new green baby leaves were still so young and small and yellow, chartreuse with lots of yellow still in it. Now the world out my window is lush. The leaves are Kelly green and they are much bigger. They went from baby duckies to second graders, self-assured 7 year olds starting off for school. It’s a whole other world, a transformed world, than the view from my window all winter. Now it is the world of green leaves against the blue sky and it sure is pretty. And green leaves wherever you look. You are always looking into green leaves.
It hit me last week or maybe the week before, that Priscilla did not have her babies in some secret spot in our yard that Beanie (our dog) cannot get to, but instead she has them in the house. Bill turned that second living room, that huge huge room, into an art studio, and in the dark corner by the fireplace all the canvasses are stacked up. But because of the way they are stacked up, I realized last week there would be tunnel thru them. A tunnel big enough for a cat to get thru but not for my Beanie.
And I don’t know why it suddenly hit me that that is where she has her kitties. It seemed such an inaccessible spot, safe in the house, dark, inaccessible to Beanie, and would explain why she is always around. The instant Bill would take Beanie out, she would appear for her food and to say hi to me. And the instant Bill and Beanie were back and Beanie went under the bed for his nap, and Bill was alone in the kitchen making his breakfast, she would appear to hang out with her beloved Bill. And at night when Bill sat down to play chess with the computer and Beanie and I were safely in back room, she would spend all evening with Bill. “She loves chess” Bill would tell me.
The instant I told Bill “Priscilla had her kittens in our living room and not in some faraway inaccessible spot in the yard,” he denied it.
He said “NO! I don’t want her having her babies here! It is not safe from Beanie. I want her to have her kitties outside!”
He was so emphatic in his denial, “I don’t want the kittens in the house, they are not safe here, they are safe outside.”
I took it back, I said “I am sure she has her kittens outside.”
And the odd thing is that when Bill denied it when I told him, and I went along with his denial to please him, the odd thing is that my mind slipped into denial. I completely forgot that I had realized Priscilla has her kittens in that remote corner of Bill’s art studio where everything is stacked up and Beanie can’t get to it. I actually went back to thinking she has her kittens somewhere outside in the yard. And when we drove back from the pool, along our alleyway, I kept my eyes peeled at our easement, our yard, the yard across the way, wondering if I would get a glimpse of the kitties.
And then the night before last while I was reading in my bed and Beanie was stretched out on his featherbed next to me, I heard Bill call out from the second living room/art studio in an urgent voice. “Anne! come here! what is this! Don’t bring Beanie!”
The way he called out “What is this!” I assumed that Beanie had brought in the stale fried chicken I had thrown out in the yard, left it in the middle of the carpet, and I was going to be yelled at about it. That he would say “That is not how you feed Beanie, you break up the food very nicely, take out the bones so they won’t hurt him, and put it in a nice bowl for him.” And then he would say “Why isn’t Beanie eating his food? Does he have stomachache? What did you feed him!” That is the usual kind of emergency for which I am summoned in that urgent voice, “Anne come here! what is this?”
I just didn’t understand why he said “keep Beanie away!” But it wasn’t about the old fried chicken lying on the carpet. Bill had something small and black in his hand and it was meowing lustily, it was incessantly meowing, calling for its mother.
“It’s Priscilla’s kitten” we both said.
“How did it get in here?” Bill said.
It was meowing so hard I said to Bill “Put it back!”
“Back where?” he said. I forgot Bill had denied the kittens were born and being cared for in some spot under all his canvases, where it makes an archway tunnel.
“It must have walked in from outside” Bill said.
“O yes right” I said keeping up the fiction.
Fortunately wherever Beanie was, he did not come. Bill had that black cupcake in his hand, meowing its head off, and didn’t know what to do with it. And neither did I. And the next thing we knew I saw Priscilla trotting in from somewhere way in the backyard. She wasn’t racing but it was determined-face trot. The instant I saw her I went right to my back bedroom to make sure Beanie was there, he will stay where I am.
And Bill reported to me a few minutes later that Priscilla instantly took the kitten by back of neck and moved it to where she wanted. Of course Bill thinks she took the kitten back outside to its nest. Altho he said “I didn’t see her go out with it.” He was just so happy and pleased and relieved that Priscilla arrived so fast to rescue both Bill and her kitten, as neither were happy in that situation. The kitty wasn’t scared in Bill’s hand, but she sure was crying her head off for her mother. And Bill was absolutely flummoxed. “What should I do with it?” he kept asking me.
It took both of us two hours to calm down afterwards. If it weren’t for Beanie this business of the kittens would all be sheer delight for everyone. But we just don’t know if the kitties are safe with Beanie. That is why Bill wanted to believe so badly Priscilla has the kittens in an alcove in the yard which Beanie can’t get to, and is why Bill still believes that. He has not changed his story, he actually thinks that kitten found its own way into the house looking for its mother. Bill said “I heard it crying the whole time I was playing chess, but I thought I was imagining it, and then finally I went in to look, and there it was.” “She took the kitten away in her mouth” he said.
But I remembered when I used to have a cat which had kittens in my apartment in the Lower East Side. I had made spot for her to have her kittens in the closet, but she wanted bottom drawer of dresser. And each time I put the kittens back in the box in the closet, she took each one by the neck and moved it back to the drawer. After this happened 3 times I gave up and let her have drawer for her kittens, so I knew Priscilla had taken her kitten by the neck.
And the next morning, yesterday morning, when we were all calm and happy again, Bill said that’s what Priscilla did, she took the kitten by the back of the neck.
“You said it was black?” I asked.
“Not exactly black, but very dark charcoal.” He said how the kitten wasn’t really scared in his hand, just bewildered. “She trusted me” he said, “she knew I was safe.”
And we both realized Priscilla only did determined trot, and did not fly across the living room, when she saw that Bill had her kitten, because she knew the kitten was safe with Bill. “Priscilla came in and rescued me” Bill said, “she knew I didn’t know what to do with the kitten, she solved everything.”
And we both realized that is why we have not seen Priscilla around so much for past two days. As long as all her kittens did was sleep and nurse, she was free to hang out with Bill as much as she wanted when she wasn’t actually nursing. But as Bill pointed out, now that the kittens have gotten rambunctious she has much more work to do. And it is true. Before, as long as Priscilla felt Beanie was not around, she could be hanging out with Bill or me or her house, occasionally she took recreation in the yard, I would see her thru open window in the sunshine. But the evening Bill found the kitten was after a day we had not seen Priscilla at all. Just for one minute in yard, while Bill was out in front yard with Beanie.
I wonder what Priscilla does do all the time now. I guess she has to hang with her kitties. She lets them crawl around in whatever space they are, but when they go too far, out into middle of big living room, she has to bring them back. Unless of course, after that episode, she did change their spot. It’s always possible she did bring them to some safe secluded spot in the yard, we will never know. That small black meowing thing in the palm of Bill’s hand is the only real evidence we have of the kittens. Everything else is deduction. She used to be so fat, now she has her figure back. She used to spend all her time on top of the refrigerator surveying everything, now she only comes at designated times.
When we got calm and relaxed and secure about the kittens yesterday, got confidence that Priscilla would manage everything perfectly and we didn’t have to worry, that she knows Beanie and would know how to keep kitties away from him, Bill said “you know, if we adopt that little kitten I will name him ‘Cupcake’ because it was exactly like having a chocolate cupcake in my hand.”
Desert wildflower (photo by Rusty Storbeck)
hahaha the truth is we are all unusual desert wildflowers, junior high is when we try to conform, but it has a happy ending, we take the long way around and wind back at our true selves...
April 5th, 2009, Sunday, 9:10 am
“Junior High School”8th grade had been quite a year for me. I had started out junior high school in a Rapid Advance class, which means doing 3 years of junior high in 2. My dad had done Rapid Advance way back when he was young plus skipped so many grades, that my aunt Ruth told me he graduated high school still in short pants. My mom did not want me to take Rapid Advance. She pointed out there are social things too, that because my birthday was April 4th and the cut-off date for starting school was April 30th, I was already youngest girl in my class and Rapid Advance would make me even younger, I would now be 2 years behind socially the other girls in my class. She thought that would be a mistake.
I had zero interest in any of her considerations. I didn’t even know what she was talking about when it was that time in 6th grade to take the test for Rapid Advance. It is a city-wide test, every 6th grader takes it every year. Rapid Advance was originally invented as a solution for overcrowding in NYC public schools. I don’t know when it started, very early I guess if my dad took it too, maybe when the huge immigration arrived. It meant doing junior high school in 2 years instead of 3. Everyone wanted to “make” Rapid Advance, I am not sure why now, I guess if you pass the test and make Rapid Advance it is like a Brownie badge, you are officially a smart kid. I don’t think I cared about doing Junior High in 2 years instead of 3, I couldn’t wait to start junior high. My idea of junior high was paradise because to me it meant being a teen-ager. I just wanted the ego of being labeled a smart kid and being in the smart kids class.
And I guess because all had worked out for my dad, he overrode my mom’s objections, I was allowed to be in Rapid Advance after I passed the test. All my cousins passed the test too, but I wonder if they took it. I assumed at the time they did, but now I realize they all graduated high school at the normal time, nobody skipped a year, and Rapid Advance would mean graduating high school year early.
But in fact I found Rapid Advance too hard. The work was too hard. I did not "get" French, I did not "get” science, which were both given in Rapid Advance but not given to any other 7th grader. And it was all I could do to understand the 7th grade version of geometry which was taught then. I knew I was failing and I had never failed at school before, I had been good at it. I became desperate and finally my mother realized what was going on and came to speak to the Assistant Principal and next day I was informed I was no longer in Rapid Advance, I was in a regular 7th grade class.
That might have been in the Spring. Since everything taught in my regular 7th grade class I had already learned in Rapid Advance, I just dreamed my way thru those last 4 months. I had to absorb the shock of what happened to me, my failure to be a smart kid. I saw all my classmates from Rapid Advance in the hall but kept away from them, I think I was ashamed. And I didn’t really make friends in my new class either. Altho I did become friends with Irene, she was an oddball like me, altho I was trying to fit in and I don’t think Irene was. We discovered we both liked to read so we would walk home from school together and talk about books. At that time I was just reading teen-aged romances which I took out of the school library, but Irene had read “Gone With The Wind” and kept raving about how great it was. So one day I took it out and read it too. I liked it.
When 7th grade ended, my mom said “regular 8th grade has a lot of special classes too, you can be in one of them.” The logical thing would have been to put me in Creative Writing, since writing was the one thing I could and liked doing. Maybe it was filled or maybe she didn’t want to listen to me, because she had enjoyed playing the flute so much in high school, she decided to put me in the orchestra class. And we spent that whole summer up in the Adirondacks with me trying to learn to flute.
And when 8th grade began there I was in Orchestra Class. And then my troubles began! That class had been together in 7th grade, was together now, and would be together in 9th grade. Each one played an instrument and they were all good at their instrument. However I had zero talent for music and zero talent for the flute. LOL again I was up against something which it was clear I would fail at. But that wasn’t my biggest problem with that class. My biggest problem was the year before there had been a very pretty girl in that class with very pretty clothes. And they had all tortured her to death and that Fall she changed schools. I wasn’t aware of it till I joined that class.
Altho I had remembered seeing that girl in the halls. I had liked all her petticoats. She would wear a skirt with many many crinolines, I liked it. But it didn’t take me long to find out that the previous year they had all worn “I hate Natalie” buttons to class, her name was Natalie, and made her life a hell. And I understood perfectly what went on because they were doing the same thing to me. My crime had been being in that smart class. They could have put two and two together and realized if I was no longer in that smart class, which now was a 9th grade class instead of an 8th grade class, it meant I couldn’t keep up, and I am sure they knew I had been taken out of it. But maybe logic has nothing to do with it. I don’t know why they made the decision to tear Natalie apart, maybe just because she was cute and dressed so cute, the ringleader of it may have resented that. And who knows, maybe it wasn’t because I had been in Rapid Advance that the ringleader got everyone after me. I always assumed that was my big crime but maybe I was just a new girl in class and there was bloodlust.
They tortured me for a long time and it was hard. I didn’t tell my mom, I didn’t tell anyone. But going to school was a nightmare for me. The instant I got home I put my nose in a book, I just wanted to escape. My mom didn’t understand and wanted me to go outside for fresh air. I refused. So finally she physically forced me off the couch where I was reading my book, and pushed me out the front door and locked it. And I just stood there. I guess you could say I had reached bottom.
And then one day the orchestra teacher had us each play solo so he could see how good we play. I was dreading it because I knew I could barely play at all, was faking it. The ringleader, Arlene, also played the flute, so did Marilyn Weiss. Marilyn Weiss was the best at flute, the ringleader was second. And really I was not in their class, I was in no class, I didn’t get music at all. And so when I had to play the flute alone, my terror came thru in every note.
And looking back at it now I wonder if that is what saved me. At the time after we put our instruments away and were on the steps Arlene came over to me and said “I really liked the way you played Anne, it made me cry.” And I said “thank you.” But it made no sense to me. I was a disaster. But now I think it liberated me. I mean I think the reason Arlene had organized “I hate Natalie” is because she had decided Natalie was stuck up, because she was pretty and wore pretty clothes. Arlene would have liked to be pretty and wear pretty clothes. She and Lynn were the two popular girls who got invited to all the boys’ Bar Mitzvahs, but I think Arlene was so popular by dint of personality. Lynn was a beautiful dresser and lovely girl. And I guess Arlene had decided I was stuck up because I had been in Rapid Advance. But after I had been such a colossal failure in music in the music class, a public failure, everyone in that class had held their breath in pure pity for me as I played. I guess Arlene felt it was no longer necessary to continue with my destruction. The torture campaign against me ended. Hahaha it turned out to be a wise move on my mom’s part to put me in that orchestra class after all.
Because very soon after that when I answered a question in science class right (we had Mrs. Simon for science, the same teacher I had had before in Rapid Advance for science when I could not “get” science and could not understand anything, now a year later I was starting to grasp what she was teaching) -- Arlene got excited when I answered the question right and asked me if I wanted to do science project with her. Of course I said yes. And she invited Lynn and Marsha to do it with us too. She and Lynn were tied because they were the two popular girls, and Marsha was included because she was Lynn's best friend.
And so we began to meet at my house on Friday nights, or whichever night it was, to discuss our science project plans, and we all became friends. And of course nothing could have been sweeter for me, after my long period of ostracism and torture, to be friends and have friends. We had a wonderful time at our science project meetings. We didn’t talk about our science project, that was quickly decided at first meeting, what we talked about was sex, which we were all hugely interested in.
And one Saturday morning we all went into the city together to the Museum of Natural History to look at their dioramas, we had decided to do dioramas for our science project. And we enjoyed that so much, we went back to the city another Saturday to go to the movies at one of the fancy movie palaces. We saw “Teacher’s Pet.” And then went for ice cream sodas across the street at Howard Johnson's. And another Saturday we came in to see “Bell, Book, and Candle” and had ice cream sodas again across the street. I don’t know who picked the movies, they were not ones I would have picked then, they were quite grown up. But interestingly now they are my two favorite movies, someone in that foursome had very good taste in movies.
Altho as a 12 year old, I did not become 13 till that April, my taste in movies ran to “Tammy” or “Roman Holiday.” I liked movies about runaway princesses or a young girl. “Teacher’s Pet” was about a very successful career woman, and it was in black and white, when I liked color movies. “Bell, Book, and Candle” was odd too.
I don’t think there are any words to describe my happiness that Spring. I was now included in my class. I became best friends with Marsha, we started to play squash together at the neighborhood playground. And I was getting interested in boys. The boys came into the handball court and that made it exciting. And Marsha’s great friend was Stefanie, they lived in same building, and Stefanie and I found out we had a lot in common. We both liked to read plus we liked each other a lot. I never did become close to Arlene or Lynn, a little closer to Lynn, but Stefanie and Marsha became my two best friends and I loved them and they loved me. And I stayed best friends with Stefanie all thru high school and to this day I miss her.
Desert wildflower (photo by Rusty Storbeck)Happy Spring to all
8:17 amSt Patrick’s Day 2009
Maybe I am imagining it but I see the first clump of green leaves out there. It is St Patrick’s Day, which is a day Bill always celebrates. He wears green on it, the day before he chooses green for playing chess on the computer because he says “St Patrick’s Day is tomorrow.” I don’t think he remembered it was St Patrick’s Day today when he forced himself out of bed grumbling, as only he can, to take the truck to the mechanic.
It began last night when I went to bed at a normal reasonable hour, hoping this time I will sleep thru the night and not spend hours of it up in the middle. He said “be sure to get me up at 7 tomorrow so I can take the truck in.”
“Don’t worry, I will” I said.
Which is why I was so surprised when I woke up at 1:30 am to get myself iced water and saw that he was still at the computer playing chess. I didn’t say one word, but he sure did.
“I lost every game! and it was all the truck’s fault! I was so bothered about having to bring it in tomorrow, I couldn’t concentrate right!” He was in a fury.
When 7 am came this morning I overslept, but he was up.
“I’m leaving now” he called to wake me up.
“Wait, I’ll put the carabineer on the door.”
“Don’t take all day about it!” he said. And at the door he had a lot to say about how he didn’t want to be doing this.
“I love you and give my love to Mark” (Mark is the mechanic) were my last words, just to say something to sweeten the atmosphere. But that set him off more, he couldn’t be sarcastic enough in his comeback.
Then I went back to bed and next thing I knew he had returned. He wasn’t cursing anymore, and greeted the dog in a friendly way, he is always nice to the dog. He said “I’m glad I brought it in so early, before the traffic started, because it rode so rough.”
And then he said he’s going back to bed. And I got up and made the coffee and made a hotdog for me to have with my coffee on a roll all nice, and two hotdogs for Beanie, one cut up in little pieces and one a whole hotdog to have in his mouth.
And I had my coffee and hotdog out in yard and woodpecker arrived to peck at the bread I put out yesterday, and Beanie enjoyed both his hotdogs so much. So now both Beanie and I are up on this beautiful morning, with sky so blue and sun so bright, and woodpecker still in my yard with his red head and speckled feathers.
Bill is in bed. And Priscilla (Bill’s cat from outdoors) must be somewhere with her babies. She is no longer around very much, only comes to the house in the evening when Bill is playing chess to hang out with him, and Beanie and I are safely faraway in back room. Where her babies are I do not know. But two mornings ago Bill and I both commented to each other “Priscilla is less fat,” and we both said “she has hardly been around.”
It seems like such a metaphor for my life that somewhere I don’t know where, Priscilla has had her babies. That I am only deducing this because she is no longer spending her whole life on top of my refrigerator, and because the day before yesterday, when Bill was out with Beanie, she came in for such a long drink of water, and because she did seem less fat. (O I see what the woodpecker is pecking on. Last night I threw out the last 3 of the very very stale glazed donuts in the yard, he’s pecking at that.) Why I would feel I have a whole other life going on, when only visible signs are comparable to I do not spend every minute on top of the refrigerator and took long drink of water at water trough two days ago, I do not know. It just seems odd to imagine whole earthshaking life for Priscilla and think “I probably have one too.”
Bill took me swimming at Jerry’s pool yesterday and he took me early, because he promised to go over to Jim’s house after swimming and help him cut down all his weeds. It was nice arriving early instead of late and knowing I could have my whole swim and we each got our own lanes which was huge treat. And water was nice temperature, sky was very blue, sun was very bright, and it was all filled with light. Nice!
Jerry was back. He is not there on the weekends and it was nice to see him presiding on deck as usual, he’s such a little king. When he returns after the weekend there is no awareness that the pool ran just fine for the two days of the weekend with just the girl lifeguards around. When he returns he is such a big-shot, he seems in every way indispensable to everything. But it is still a nice sight to see the king back. This is the only pool with a king, because Jerry is king of all the pools, but this is the pool where he lives, this pool is his castle.
I was swimming for 10 minutes when a man arrived and said “can I share with you?”
“Are you a gentle swimmer or a vigorous one?” I asked, “because if you are very vigorous I will give you the lane and push my husband over and swim with him.”
He said “I am in the middle.”
I said “OK let’s try it.”
He turned out to be a perfect swimming companion, he was way too modest. Because he swam exactly like a fish. You hear that expression “swim like a fish” all the time, and all anyone means when they say it is a person is a good swimmer. But that is not what I mean. It was exactly like swimming next to a big fish. He swam so elegantly and exquisitely, he never broke the water, it really was exactly as if a big fish were sharing my lane, he literally made no waves, just a nice whoosh in the water.
I don’t know how he did it. It was like he was there and invisible at same time. It was like swimming with those exquisite lake fish, a bass. I no longer like to share lanes with those who come for their workouts. They punch the water when they swim, literally, it is some new style, to beat it and punch it with every stroke, and then kick hard and make huge splashes. It was like swimming with a tornado, I just try to be as far away from them as I can. Which is why I offered to give him the whole lane and shove Bill over and share with Bill, when I saw him arriving with all the work-out paddles. But he wasn’t like that at all, it really was an honor to swim in same lane with someone like him, the most exquisite swimmer in the universe.
post script at noon, Bill is now up and in good mood, and telling me about last night's show on Coast to Coast. George had Bob Curran on (from Ireland). Bob Curran knows all about the leprechauns and fairies, and said the leprechauns are not always so nice. Bill said this means they could come up and kick you, or overturn the milk can in the barn, or let all the animals out and the corgis would have to round them up, or upset the dogs.
Drawing by Layla Edwards, from her Gallery
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
"Simone and I are now friends on email"
Simone was my next door neighbor the whole time I lived at 81 First Avenue. We shared a wall together and heard each others whole life. When I sent her the last story I wrote few days ago, the part she responded to in the story was how I stopped at Walgreen’s on way home to buy new nail polish. She wrote back:
WOW you are wearing nails polish? i am surprised you would do that in the Bundoock, or maybe you have a very social life or just having fun or bored or plain sophisticated? LOL
And for some reason yesterday afternoon I emailed back about the nail polish. I said “you introduced me to nail polish Catherine and I have been wearing it ever since, I love it. And I dress differently in Tucson than I did in New York. I wear skirts and tops, not jeans, and most of my skirts have ruffles on them, and they are all summer clothes and pretty.”
In fact in New York I dressed in rags. I don’t know why? It was a habit I fell into and once I fell into that habit I stayed there.
But in Tucson my Higher Self wanted me to shop to buy pretty clothes, to buy new clothes and to dress pretty and so I have. And it turns out to be very good idea for me. It really lifts my spirits and adds tingle to life, like seltzer, makes it more bubbly and elated, adds oomph. I like wearing new pretty clothes now.
After I wrote Simone that little email about wearing nail polish all the time, it makes me happy, and how I dress differently in Tucson, it makes me happy, I decided I would find the tiny little story I wrote two years ago before I was on email with Simone about my last day in New York and leaving New York for Tucson. I thought she would enjoy reading it. She is a part of that story even tho she is not in it. I spent my last morning in New York in Simone’s apartment. I had brought in all my house plants to give her, also to tell her I was moving to Tucson that day. Hiroko was there visiting. I lived in apt 3B, Simone was in apartment 3C, she shared her other wall with apartment 3D which is where Arthur and Hiroko had lived when they lived in New York. Then Hiroko had a baby girl, and then Arthur got a teaching job in Ojai California and they moved there. But we all stayed close with them, me by mail, and Hiroko (who was a painter like Simone) would sometimes come to New York and stay with Simone. Altho sometimes the whole family came in. And when I brought in my house plants and to tell Simone I was moving to Tucson, that day Hiroko was there, she was staying with Simone visiting. I brought in the tiny little very pretty evening bags Irene had given me and gave them to Hiroko and she loved them.
And I guess that was the last time I saw Simone. We were on the phone quite a bit when I first moved here, but really not that much, maybe 5 short phone calls. Our relationship was neighbors, not on the phone. We saw each other 20 times a day on the steps or in front of the house or in her apt. or mine, but we had never had a telephone conversation before. And our conversation when we saw each other was mainly “show and tell.” She would show me the new thing she bought for her apartment or the new nail polish she was wearing, or her new perfume. I would see her outfit and how pretty it was and comment. Simone never wore jeans, only pretty skirts and pretty tops. Really our whole relationship was about clothes. We both love clothes. And of course nail polish, perfume, and lipstick, which we both love. Altho Simone wears all of the above, and at the time I just dressed in rags.
The other half of our relationship was the unseen half. Which was that the wall between us was paper thin, so we each heard each others whole life. So really we were more like sisters, each having our own room, and our own parallel lives. She had her friends and I had mine. Altho there was one friend we shared, Micheline. And I guess Hiroko. Altho Hiroko was much closer to Simone than me. And I guess Randi who moved in when Arthur and Hiroko left. But Randi became best friends with Simone, whereas Randi and I had small bud of friendship. But Simone and I shared all the neighbors, and in our tiny tenement all the neighbors were very close. Most of the other neighbors had been born in their apartment and grown up there. They were part of the immigrant wave to the lower east side.
After our 5 phone calls our first year, my first year in Tucson, I rarely talked to her. Occasionally when I wanted to buy a gift for my mom-- since Simone always wore expensive French lipstick, I would call up and ask “What shade are you wearing now? What do you love most?” And she would say the Dior shade she is wearing for winter and the Dior shade she is wearing for summer now. And I would find an expensive department store in Tucson which sold fancy French lipsticks and buy both for my mom.
But that was ages ago. And then in November my Higher Self suggested I call her. I didn’t recognize the voice on her answering machine, I thought maybe she had moved to North Carolina, I had found out she bought a house on the beach there. But I left a message anyway. I didn’t expect her to call me back. There was some point when we each obtained the other’s email address and she never emailed me back. But to my absolute shock, she did call me back this past November, two months ago, and we had a really nice conversation, and we gave each other our new emails. And this time email took. We do correspond on email.
It was so close to the election when I called her, maybe a week after it, that we each summoned up our courage and told each other our politics had changed, and we were both amazed we both see things the same way now. That made a very close bond. Because in the circles Simone moves in in New York, and with me with all my old New York friends, how Simone and I see politics now is taboo. It is grounds for being an outcast. We are “one of them” instead of “one of us” -- the awful evil people, the dullards and the despised by all sophisticates and intelligentsia, the trailer trash redneck contingent. Which is so funny considering that Simone is a little French girl, and I am a little Jewish New Yorker whose parents were Reds, a bona fide red diaper baby. And Simone comes from the French aristocracy originally, altho she and I became hippies in the '60s, even tho she was still a stewardess then for the French airlines. I don’t think Simone was from high up aristocracy, her dad worked for French NATO, and Simone grew up in Morocco, her dad was stationed there. But her parents went to all the balls and dinners at the French embassy, it was classy life.
But in New York she met John, who had a nice life back then and was a photographer. They moved to the French countryside and had their two children, I guess they married there. And then came back to live next door to me. When I met them it was a just quick stop-over. John’s sister had found and rented the apartment for them, they were en route to New Mexico. But it is almost 30 years later and Simone is still in that apartment, her daughter is married and living in Brooklyn, I don’t know where her son is now, he was two years old when they moved in. John’s life in New York did not work out. Eventually Simone forced him to leave. And the last I heard he was living in Woodstock. But Simone told me on the phone in November he is now in Heaven. Which is OK, John refused to make a life for himself when his wife kicked him out. He was always completely in love with Simone, he always wanted Simone. He chose to sink into a life of misery when he couldn’t have her, it is better he have all the happiness Heaven offers, the world held nothing for him without Simone.
But I think that is a part of our tremendous closeness now, I mean the sisters aspect between us. We each lived thru with each other all the trials and tribulations our marriages went thru at the same time. We each heard it thru the walls and saw it happening for both of us. Simone and I have no secrets because we each were witnesses to everything the other went thru. And you could say as a result we each know each other’s strength. Simone had to rebuild her life from scratch without John and I had to rebuild my marriage from bottom up. We each rebuilt our lives from bottom up and we each saw the other doing it.
But any time we attempted to be regular friends, to share thoughts with each other, it never worked. We were never able to click. Which is odd, because we each clicked with Randi, with Hiroko, with Micheline, but we never clicked with each other.
But we did click on the phone in November when we talked about politics. We each were amazed we saw it all the same way. Isn’t that interesting. It is politics which has brought me and Simone together as friends. Now we email together like regular friends.
I found this photo on web called "Our Palo Verde in Bloom" Easter Sunday, April 12, 2009 7:27 am
Swim on cold rainy Easter Saturday
The sky is looking bluer and I think the sun is coming out. The ground is all soft and wet now from rain for a night and a day and a night, and I am sure the trees are a million times happier. They did not have a drop of water to drink for a month and a half. For 6 weeks it was paradise out my window. Golden sun, blue sky. It was a treat unbelievable. And then out of nowhere in the middle of the night, the night before last, huge rumbling thunder, a huge incredible downpour. And it never went away. The world turned cold and dark and very rainy. O there is a drop of water glistening on the leaf out my window. What a miracle!
Now there is a lot of blue in the sky and sunshine splashing into yard, but still dense white wet clouds over mountains. But I think the blue sky and sunshine have won the day, today may be a nice day. It is so odd that for a full 6 weeks every single day was a glorious Easter Sunday, but now that Easter Sunday is here, it should be so trepidatious the way the sun and blue sky come back after their absence, like a timid knock at the door, so unsure of their welcome, when of course it is all we want. A tentativeness is the way it comes at first. It was such a bewildering rainstorm, something out of nowhere like that, and interrupting paradise. You knew every instant it was a good thing. So much vegetation and all of it in green spring finery now. The plants have to have their water, their leaves have to be drenched. And the earth around them had turned very hard too. Now it is moist just the way they like it, moist mushy sandy mud. Roots like that, roots drink in their water that way. Yes heaven watered the whole desert! And not sparingly either! Huge huge drenching rain, followed by another one, and then after that, constantly non-stop, for night for day for night, either sprinkling or raining or drenching rain. Rain rain rain in total abundance. O that must be the quail pecking at the stale bread I put out. They are all out, the sparrow, the big quail with their red helmet and plume, I even saw my woodpecker. It is the after-the-rain breakfast buffet.
I don’t think Bill and I would have gone swimming yesterday, it was no swimming weather! But the signs said “all pools closed for Easter Sunday.” We knew we wouldn’t be able to swim today, so we grabbed our chance to swim yesterday. And I had errands I wanted to do on way to pool and way home from the pool if we were not going to go out at all the next day.
I had bought skirt at Factory 2 U when we were at Sunflower market on Wednesday (Factory 2 U is right next door). There had been 2 skirts, different colors and patterns but otherwise the same, and both were a size too small for me. But I was in experimental mood. I asked the girl at check-out “which one should I get?” and she pointed to the one with the blues in it. She said “it goes with more things.” I had been attracted to the one with the colors of autumn leaves, but I went with her choice. And there had been little purses made by “Hugs and Kisses,” which had xxxoooo all over it. They were different shapes tho. And I let her choose which she thought was the prettiest shape and I got that. (O there is red cardinal! Sight for sore eyes! That flash of red! Absolute beauty!) And to my surprise the skirt fit! Not really fit of course, I have to leave the whole top open, but fit enough so I can wear it. And to my huge surprise I love it, I love wearing it. It is a cheap skirt, no lining, simple inexpensive poplin, but maybe because of that I like its feel, so light and airy. And it just happens to have a nice cut, I look down and I like the way it flows. Instantly I wanted the other one too, I knew they were skits I could live in all thru the hot blistering desert summer. So when Bill told me yesterday morning that he had tried to eat the spaghetti and meatballs I had gotten at Sunflower on Wednesday, but when he opened it up for supper the night before it was bad, so he ate the pot roast I had cooked for Beanie and had rice with it and made himself delicious stew instead. So I said “good! we will stop on the way to the pool, I will get my money back for the spaghetti and meatballs and there is something I want in Factory 2 U, and then on the way back from the pool we can stop at the other shopping center, I will buy bread at the bakery, kitchen sponges at the hardware store, and books to read at the charity store.”
The manager at Sunflower was wonderful to me. I had actually plucked the carton the spaghetti and meatballs had come in from out of the garbage can where Bill threw the whole thing, so I could show it to him when I asked for my money back. But when I got in the car I realized I had forgotten it by the sink. Bill said “Forget about it! Just tell him!”
The manager had a beautiful huge tattoo on his arm of the Goddess Vishnu, and on his wrist a beautiful big turquoise and silver bracelet. I told him the story of the spaghetti and meatballs, and showed him my grocery receipt, and instantly he said “Do your shopping and I will take the money off at the end!” I said “I don’t want to shop now, I want to go to Factory 2 U and then go swimming.” He said “OK, I'll write it all on your grocery slip and then you show it to them when you shop next and they will take the money off.”
It was while he was writing on my grocery slip that I noticed the beautiful bracelet and tattoo. “What beautiful turquoise!” I said, “where did you get it?” He said “it comes from India.” “O!” I said, “that is Indian turquoise, my own bracelets are Arizona turquoise and New Mexico turquoise.” I looked at it very carefully. “The bracelet is from India” he said, “I got it to go with my tattoo, it is the Goddess Vishnu.” The tattoo went all the way up his arm. “Wow!” I said, “wow, that is beautiful.” “So you’ve been to India” I said. “No” he said, “I asked my friend to get it for me, I wanted it to go with my tattoo.”
O I get it now, he had tattoo of Indian Goddess so he must have asked his friend to bring him back beautiful Indian bracelet to go with it, and that is the bracelet his friend chose. It is beautiful, the silver work is lovely and there is a lot of it and it gleams, and many beautiful large turquoises.
Then I signaled to Bill who was waiting in the truck near Factory 2 U, I made my fingers go in a circle to show him it all worked out, success! And I found the other skirt in Factory 2 U which is also size too small in the other pattern, and next to it another one. Neither is beautiful, neither is the one I am wearing now, but they are nice patterns and colors, and I just like the flow of them. And walking back to cash register I saw a pink purse also made by “Hugs and Kisses,” and it was the day before Easter, who can resist a pink purse made by Hugs and Kisses. The same girl at cash register was there. I told her I loved the purse she chose for me on Wednesday. She said “good.” “What do you think about this pink one?” I said, “I know it’s silly to get two purses, you always wind up using one and the other sits there, but if you think it’s very cute I will get it too.” She said “it is cute.” I said “OK, you only live once.” And I showed her I was wearing the skirt she chose for me, “I love it” I said. “Good” she said. “So I am getting the other 2, it will be cool in summer.” “Yes” she said.
“I bought myself Easter presents” I said to Bill when I got back in the truck, “and the manager in Sunflower was very nice, he didn’t want to see the carton, you were right about that and he wrote on my receipt to take the money off next time I shop.” “Good” Bill said, “Good.” He was very pleased.
And we took off for swim pool. “O no!” he said, “I see lightning over the mountains, they’ll shut the pool.” “We don’t know” I said, “the pool may be open.” But when we got there there were no cars at all, I didn’t see lifeguard in the stand. And when Bill went to talk to them, they told him “we are on stand-by.” So I got out of the car to find out what that meant. She said “we will be closed for at least a half an hour and if we see more lightning we close for another half hour.” “Forget about it” I said, “I am not that compulsive about my swim.” And so Bill and I set off for shopping center with bakery, hardware store, and old books.
“I’ll buy the bread, I’ll buy the sponges, and then meet you by the books.” Bill had just finished reading “Tom Jones” which he had bought there and loved it so much. “It is the best book I ever read” he said. I knew he was looking for another book. And I had enjoyed the mystery by Patricia Moyes so much, I wanted to see if they had any more by her. We were both looking forward to looking at the books.
But it was clear as soon as we drove up the charity bookstore was closed. It is St Vincent de Paul, I figured Easter was such a big deal to a Catholic organization they had to make a weekend of it. So I went to bakery. The rain had started up again as we were arriving from pool to shopping center. The girl in bakery said her friend just called, she is staying with her friend, and her friend said “you left without your umbrella and your raincoat and now it is raining hard, I will come and pick you up.” And she said how she appreciates it because as soon as she gets home she will have to walk her doggie in the pouring rain anyway. They must be living in an apartment if she has to walk the dog before and after work.
To my surprise Bill was in the hardware store when I arrived for sponges, he was getting stuff so he could start up our evaporative coolers for when the big heat arrives. So then we reached home with our purchases and Beanie ran around in circles, he was delighted to see us. Then to my huge surprise, Bill who had grumbled when we first got into the truck to go swimming, “I am only doing this for you, the last thing I want to do on a day like today is go swimming”-- to my huge surprise Bill said, “It looks like it is starting to clear, call the swim pool, see if they are open, we’ll go back and have our swim, if you don’t want to go I’ll go by myself.” “I want to go! I want to go! What a great idea!” I said.
I called the pool and they reluctantly admitted they were open and I could come over to swim. I understood their reluctance admitting it. It was freezing cold, terribly damp, very overcast, they did not want to sit up high up on lifeguard stand and watch swimmers. They wanted to be warm cozy together in lifeguard house. I thanked him very much and said “I am sorry to inconvenience you this way” and he said “that is what we are here for.”
We were sorry to disappoint Beanie but we were thrilled we were going to have our swim after all. And as Bill pointed out “now we don’t have to make any stops on way home.” And it really was freeing to throw down my purse, all my purchases, and just march out the front door free as a bird.
And my swimsuit was on under my clothes from when we had first started out the first time, so I said to Bill “here is my swim bag with shampoos, here is my towel, here is my clothes, leave it all by the bathhouse when you go in to change, I am just going to dive into the deep water.” The lifeguard still seemed a little grumpy when he came out to go up in lifeguard stand because I was going to dive into the water. He had been so merry and happy when he said “pool was closed” earlier on, he was not happy that now pool was open and he had to sit up in the cold and guard the swimmers. I said “I don’t have to be guarded, I am a Junior Lifesaver, you can go back into the house, if I need help I will call you.” But rules are rules. When we swam at private club there was never any lifeguard but at public pools, Willy, who is charge of all the lifeguards, makes them guard no matter what. Which to be honest makes no sense to me, as one of the lifeguards once pointed out “many of the lap swimmers were swimming before he was born and are better swimmers than he is.” And in fact I found out many of them used to be lifeguards.
“Is the water warm?” He was in no mood to gloss things over for me. “No!” he said, “it was a cold rain.” “Which is the warmest lane?” I asked. “I don’t know” he said. Naturally I was the only one there. I thought ‘This is exactly what it was like swimming in the Adirondacks, I would stand on a cold beach before I went in, about to dive into cold water, with heavy dense dark clouds all around the mountains, just the way they are here now.’ No matter how nostalgic I get for the Adirondacks, standing on that cold deck on dark cold cloudy day, facing cold water, I knew I would never return to that world. Once the girl has gotten a taste of sunny hot desert, she does not want to be cold and damp and chilly and uncomfortable; she likes to be happy in the warm dry sunshine.
But O I am so glad that Bill arranged for me to have my swim after all, when I had totally given up on it, I had decided it would not happen and I would accept it. It was such a surprise to be swimming when I hadn’t expected it, and it did feel good to swim, to stretch out in the water, and the water wasn’t that cold, it was fine. And I had long glorious swim.
And I saw another woman arrive for her swim. Pool is open till 4 pm on Saturdays, we had arrived at 3:20, the woman arrived for her swim 20 minutes before it closed. But she is smart, 20 minutes is not the longest swim in the world, but perfect for doing the trick. Bill was in lane next to me.
Few minutes before 4, I swam to the bathhouse, had nice long swim, and naturally at first it was freezing in there, there is no roof, and water in shower came out ice cold. But then it turned hot, delicious! And I washed my hair and soaped up, and then went to the middle area, since there was no one there, to towel off, spray on perfume, and a little vanilla cream at back of my heels, elbow, and knees. And I dressed. The girl lifeguard came in and she called out to the boy lifeguards “Don’t lock up yet! Anne is still in here.” It turned out they had locked up everything. “We found you just in time, Anne” she said, “else you would have been locked in over night.” I giggled and said “then I would have been the only one who swam on Easter Sunday.” I felt glorious when I arrived back on deck, there is nothing like being all fresh and clean and all refreshed, and warmed up from swim and hot shower.
We drove home so happily. “It’s always smart to go swimming if you have the chance” Bill said, when we got in the truck and were driving thru the parking lot of Fort Lowell Park. “Truer words were never said,” I said...
my friend Yukon who lives in Alaska took this photoWednesday 8:52 am 1/21/09
“A very big Monday”Well the plan for Monday was take the truck to emissions, then take me to Lane Bryant, then to the YMCA swim pool near Lane Bryant, then come home, then Bill would go to the movies. I had called on Friday to see if Emissions was open Monday Martin Luther King Day and to my happy surprise they said "yes." Then I called the Y to see if they were open and to my happy surprise they said yes. Bill dreads emissions and hates it, but I always enjoy it, so I was looking forward to my Monday outing for whole week-end. We had just found out that the YMCA accepts the city swim pool card during this time when most of the city pools are closed, they let us swim in their pool, and I was curious to try it. I heard it was an outside pool and nice.
And I had bought a skirt on-line from Lane Bryant which I wanted to return. The truck had been in the shop for so long (since day after Christmas) and we had just gotten it back few days before. And during that whole long time Bill had taken me swimming and grocery shopping in the 2nd hand Chrysler. But that car has problems too, Bill did not feel secure going further than swim pool and grocery store in it. But I really wanted a treat. The holidays had been so long and dismal, with all the trauma and drama of truck towed home on Christmas Eve, and then Bill wondering if he could drive it to the mechanic at the dealership (would it go that far? even if it is just 2 miles away). Then after he succeeded getting it there, there was the dramatic phone call about the bill. "You need a new clutch" Dave said, "it is $900." "But you just put in a new clutch day before Christmas 2 years ago, I paid $900 then." "OK I'll look deeper" he said. And so I was all worked up about the bill. I didn't even ask Bill to take me to Lane Bryant, he makes such a fuss about it during the best of times. I just got on internet, clicked on clearance, and took a look. There was a beautiful skirt at a great sale but it turned out to be all gone. But there were two nice skirts, they seemed nice in the picture, and I decided to order them.
A lot of people prefer shopping on-line but I am not one of them. I love going to stores. I love looking at all the stuff they have there. I love chatting it up with the sales girl. For me it is a little like being taken to a toy store as a very little girl, I am entering a store of all treats, I am going to buy myself a treat, I love everything about it. And I love consulting with the sales girl. My system is very simple. First I say "take me to clearance." Then I say "pick out what you love best." And then I buy it. It always works. She takes me right to the few items she loves best in clearance, finds it in my size, and then we go over and pay for it. But somehow a lot of time and chatting goes on. It is a totally enjoyable experience for me.
The last thing Bill and I expected when we just paid $900 to the dealership and got truck back few days ago, was that it would fail emissions test. We were both shocked. Bill drove the truck all the way back to dealership and told Dave, but all he said was "you can bring it in tomorrow if you want." So then Bill took it to Mark and Larry who do the work on the 2nd hand Chrysler and there was a mechanic there, a very nice guy who knew all about cars, and he studied the paper Bill got from emissions which says what is wrong, and he said "it means you have a problem with your carburetor." He said "Mark, the owner, will be back tomorrow and he is the carburetor expert, let him look at it." I was stunned it was a carburetor problem cause Dave at the dealership had replaced the carburetor two years ago (the week before Christmas) at the same time he replaced the clutch. In fact I hadn't known the clutch was bad, till he replaced the carburetor, took it out for a test drive, and called me and said "you need a new clutch."
It was such heaven to be at Mark and Larry's. That nice mechanic looked just like when I was a very little girl with my daddy, and we stopped at Applebones garage in Old Forge for gas, and the teen age boy would wash the windshield while I was there, a country boy. And he looked like a young beautiful god to me. I always thought when I become a teenager and have a boyfriend, I want a boyfriend just like this. The mechanic who was so nice to us at Mark and Larry wasn't pretty, he was very odd looking, but everything about him was exactly the same. He really looked like a guy who liked to tinker with cars, my childhood ideal. And he was so nice and he knew so much, and was so expert.
And then Mike came over to say hi. Mike of course looks exactly the opposite of the skinny teenage gas station boys I adored as 5 year old girl. I don't know how tall Santa Claus is, but if Santa Claus were tall and younger, he would look like Mike. I guess he is a big warm bear of a man. There is huge love between me and mike because 2 summers ago his dog had 14 puppies, and no matter how hard he tried he could not find homes for them. Bill and Mike are friends from all the times Bill brought the Chrysler there and also from getting gas there, and Mike had put a lot of pressure on Bill to adopt one of the puppies. Bill wanted to anyway, he loves dogs, but we had two then. But his heart really went out to the puppies. “They are born during this inferno summer, it is so hot, it is hotter than hell out there, we have to help them find homes,” he said to me, “ask all your friends.” And of course Mike was desperate to find homes for them, he did not want to take them to the pound. I asked all my friends with no luck, Bill asked all his friends with no luck. But it could have been that very same day, when we were talking about it all day, that the idea suddenly hit me about Craig’s List. “Let me ask Margot how to advertise them on Craig’s List.”
So I emailed Margot and she told me exactly how to do it. And I did it that afternoon. I had to call Mike, that was when I met him, on the phone, I introduced myself. I called him at the Shell station to ask for his home phone number to put in the ad, and to read to him what we had written. Bill had helped me, he had come up with a very good sentence to describe the puppies. And Mike said they have beautiful glossy coats because he feeds them the expensive puppy chow, so I added that and the other information Mike gave me.
And by a happy miracle Mike and his wife started receiving phone calls for the puppies that evening. And I started to be on the phone with his wife, because some of the emails were going to Craig’s List which were then coming to me. And in a few days half the puppies were adopted.
Then I guess it dropped off. I called Mike’s wife and there were still 5 puppies left, so I put in another ad, I only changed the age of the puppies because now they were older. And by a miracle they were all adopted. I had put the ad in both Tucson and Phoenix Craig’s List, and a woman called Mike from Phoenix and said “if you are willing to meet me half way, I will adopt two of them.” A lot of them who adopted were from Phoenix.
Mike was so overjoyed all the puppies were adopted, his wife was so overjoyed, Bill was so overjoyed and I was so overjoyed. And in my last phone call with Mike’s wife, she said how they have a little son but watching all the puppies had gotten her own juices running, she just got back from the doctor today and he told her she will have a boy and it will be born in November and she was overjoyed.
And that was my last contact with Mike or his wife till Monday (the day before yesterday). In my mind the big news was still the baby, but Mike recognized me in the truck and rushed out to tell me he is getting letters from people in Phoenix who adopted the puppies and they enclose photos of the dogs now. He is so happy. And he did say “yes now they have two boys, the little one is 14 months old now.” But I guess he was still so happy and excited about good homes for all those puppies, he loved me so much, and he thanked me so much. “I was just the secretary” I said, “it was all Bill, he cared so much about those puppies, he wanted so badly for them to have good home.” Anyway, it was all swimming in love, which is what I like. The young mechanic who is so expert told Bill “Mark will be back tomorrow, he is the carburetor expect, bring the truck in then.”
I had assumed since we failed emissions since we now have a carburetor problem, that Bill would never consent in a million years to have an afternoon of treats for me. I assumed once he gets upset about something, then it’s all a bust. I’ve never seen my husband consent to be happy when things are going wrong, usually we just wait around at home in a very tense state. I thought “So much for swimming and buying myself treats at Lane Bryant!” I was shocked out of my pants when Bill said “now I take you to the dress store and then we go swimming at the new Y and see what it is like.”
I was shocked and thrilled and overjoyed. I had no idea any happiness was on the agenda for us at all. I was so touched I actually kissed him in the car. And I waltzed out of the truck when we arrived at Lane Bryant.
I had forgotten that he thought we were only going there to return one of the skirts I had bought on internet. He was so tense when we were leaving for emissions at the start, that all I said is “we have to stop at Lane Bryant so I can return the skirt.” But my plan was always to shop while I was there. I hadn’t been there in ages and I hadn’t shopped in ages, I was really looking forward to it.
I showed the skirt I was returning to the sales girl and she agreed with me: “it was way too long, it would just pick up dust.” And we went over and she took it off my charge account, and then I paid for the other skirt which was on my charge account. Whether I would have bought that skirt at that price if I had actually seen it in the store, I don’t know, it wasn’t what I imagined it would be and the clearance price on it was not that great at all. But it really did save me during that long dismal time. One evening after the pool my spirits suddenly rose, and it wasn’t absolutely freezing when we got out, and I wanted to wear something pretty instead of bundling-up-for-the-cold clothes. So after my shower I put on the new skirt and a nice top, and it was the first time I was happy. Hahaha it was my statement to the universe I am ready to be happy again. I was dressed for the occasion.
“So what do you have for me?” I asked, and she took me over to clearance and she picked out two tops for me. And when we went to skirts there was only one kind in my size, but she said she loves it and plans to buy one for herself. Other than the first top she chose for me in clearance, I wasn’t crazy about what she chose, but I have discovered when I get home I always like what she picks out for me. At the cash register I told her the whole story about emissions. I said “I only get to come here when my husband takes the car to emissions,” and I said how the truck had failed and my husband had been so upset on the drive back to the mechanic. She said “I know, then you have to spend all that time calming them down.” “Yes!” I said “exactly!” I was touched she understood so perfectly. I had let Bill blow off steam for half the drive all the way back, but the rest of the drive I had tried to calm him down. She said “well look at the stuff when you get home, if you don’t like it you can always return it.” I said “yes, we will have to come back this way, because he will have to bring the truck back for emissions” and I burst out laughing in joy and merriment, and I turned around and Bill was there.
I don’t think he minded I was laughing and giggling about returning very soon because of emissions, he was mad because it had been such long wait in hot car. “I thought you were just going to return something.” “You haven’t brought me here in months and months, of course I will want to shop.” “I will take you” he said, “you just need to ask, I just didn’t want to go in the broken Chrysler.”
And then we set off to find the Y. It turned out to be easy to find and close by Lane Bryant. They accepted our city pool cards, told us where the swim pool was, and where the changing room was.
In the changing room I started to laugh at myself as I was putting on my bathing suit. I laughed because when I had thanked the guy at the desk for letting us in, I said “this is really nice of you, we really appreciate it because we just got back from emissions and the truck failed.”
It just seemed so funny to me as I was changing into my bathing suit that I had told the guy at the desk “we just failed the emissions test.” I giggled and the woman who had just arrived and was taking off her clothes said “what is so funny?” So I told her the whole story. And of course I realize now she did not understand one word of it. Because Rosie, that is her name, is from Bosnia, she has only been here a few years, she and her brother spend 6 months in Tucson and then the 6 hot months back in their house in Bosnia. And no way is her English good enough to understand why I thought it was so funny that after we failed emissions test, I told the girl at Lane Bryant and now I just told the guy at the desk too. I don’t think she got any of the story, how we went to Lane Bryant because they have pretty dresses and I wanted something pretty. In the pool I swam next to Rosie and we had conversation, and I discovered the very simplest thing is hard for her to understand. “What country are you from?” she asked me. I was so surprised. “I am from New York City” I said. “Me too” she said, “I am from Chicago.” Then she said how she is from Bosnia and they have that house there. I thought it was tactless to say ‘I am familiar with Bosnia because of it being in the news,’ so I said “I know where Bosnia is, it is in eastern Europe.” And she said “southern Europe.” And I said how my grandparents came from Poland and the Ukraine. And she was very gratified. “Aha!” she said. Somehow from the instant she laid eyes on me Rosie had decided I was kinsman of hers.
After I told her the story in the locker room, which I now realize she did not understand one word, she said “I am Rose” and I said “I am Annie.” “Where is the swim pool” I asked her, and she led me right to it. “Is there a Jacuzzi” I said. “Yes” she said and pointed. By now I was feeling so warmly towards her I was holding her hand and calling her Rosie. When Bill arrived I said “this is my friend Rosie” and introduced Bill to Rosie too. And then I saw Jeff. “O Jeff we just failed emissions,” and he made very sympathetic face, people are so sweet. “Jeff, this is my friend Rosie” I said and he gave her a very nice hello. It was very reassuring to see Jeff. He is the one we swim with at the public pool, we never expected to see him here. And somehow it made everything beautiful that here was Jeff our old friend and Rose my new friend, and Bill was so happy to see Jeff too.
And Rosie and I chatted in the lane as we swam. We both said how much we love Tucson and that it is paradise. She speaks very good English but her comprehension is still slender. She had decided I had just moved to Tucson yesterday, and it was hard for me to shake her of that idea.
The swim was lovely. I was absolutely amazed I was swimming under blue sky and sunshine happily, instead of suffering at home. Always in the past our response to things going wrong is to just suffer at home. And when Bill and I both hit the jacuzzi after 45 minute swim, I thought I had died and gone to Heaven. I have not been back in a jacuzzi for almost 4 years, since we left the Club. It was soooooooo luxurious, it was Heaven.
And when we got home Bill said he will go to movie. I was thrilled he was willing to be happy, and not upset, and I very happily and contentedly watched all my tv shows and had lots and lots to eat. But when he got back from the movies all hell broke loose, it turns out he was very upset about the broken carburetor, didn’t know if it could be fixed, and what would we do.
And the next morning (yesterday morning) he was even madder about it all, and I thought “O no today is going to be an ordeal,” and there was yelling and screaming on both sides. But then he took the truck to Mark and Larry, walked home, and returned home calm, and actually did take his shower and drink coffee. And so I calmed down too. And eventually Mark called, and I was so relieved to hear Mark say he thinks he can fix the carburetor and it will cost $150. And I was so relieved it was not $900 which is what the dealership charges for everything, and that it could be fixed.
And I brought the phone out to Bill, he was reading in the front yard, and he too was very relieved. “Mark seemed confident he could fix it” Bill said. “Yes” I said. “I guess we will just take the cars to them then” Bill said, “the dealership screwed up the clutch and they screwed up the carburetor, Mark and Larry are better mechanics and their prices are so reasonable.”
And we actually had a very nice calm happy talk in the living room together about how we will only bring the cars to Mark and Larry now. “That’s it for the dealership” I said. “Yes” Bill said. “It’s better” Bill said, “they are better mechanics because they like to tinker, they don’t go by the system, and the walk home is so much shorter and so much more pleasant, the job gets done so much faster and the prices so reasonable.”
And so I guess the era of bringing the truck back to the dealership where we first bought it when we moved to Tucson is over. And we are just with Mark and Larry now for everything....
these pics I found on web of bobcat kitten look just like our Priscilla
altho of course Priscilla is just a little backyard alley cat from the lanes who adopted us
9:43 am Friday January 9 2009
"Car mirror falls off"
Well I guess today marks the day of the season which no one talks about (because it doesn't have a name) but I call it "waiting for Spring" and it is one of my favorite seasons. It seems to start the day after you think "OK I've had it with winter! I am now ready for spring." And it's like "at your service, madam" the next day "waiting for Spring begins". I don't know if the sap has actually moved up the trees in my yard, if the tops of the trees are actually reaching for heaven, which is the exact beginning of "waiting for spring," but my eyes are drawn to the tops of the trees looking for it. And maybe that is enough. The field of activity will take place there and I am already in position watching. Hahaha like already taking your seat at a sporting event, you know the game will begin any minute. And last night the Moon sure looked Full, especially by the wee hours of the morning. I bet instant Moon hits exact Full "waiting for spring" will begin. At the very least it is in the mind's eye now. And Buddhist New Year (maybe on the next full moon or new moon) is coming up.
Well all our outdoor kitties seem to have discovered Priscilla has soft berth here. They know food is always put out for her. And we have been having lots of visitors during the night when we sleep. Priscilla sleeps with Bill of course, and she sleeps to noon. Bill's friend Jim wasn't surprised to hear it. He said his cat sleeps with him too but she sprawls in the middle of the bed, he gets pushed to the edge and finally it is so uncomfortable he moves over to the sofa. So then she gets up to sleep with him there.
O my goodness! a cat is screeching in heat! I bet it is our Priscilla! She is totally embarrassing herself. O now she is spitting and fighting! I can't see it, I can hear it. She does not treat her boyfriends well, she spits and fights and bites. It makes Beanie seem so good by contrast, all he does is walk quietly around his yard and bury his cookies. He has nothing to do with this absolutely wild cat party going on. It's like watching one child in second grade classroom sitting calmly at his desk with his hands folded waiting for his homework assignment while all the rest are hanging from the chandeliers and doing spitballs.
Yesterday when we arrived at Willy's pool for our swim in the 2nd hand Chrysler (truck is still in the shop) Bill got out, but I had to organize all my stuff, put my purse in my swim bag, find my towel, take off my long sleeve shirt etc. Maybe it was when I was taking off my long sleeve shirt, I merely bumped something, not hard, and I felt something fall and when I turned around to find out, it was the mirror attached to the windshield. I knew Bill would take that very seriously and I called him back. "O NO!" he said, "it's your fault, you have too much stuff." It looked like it had just been glued up on there, so I said "wait! I'll get Willy! he has all the tools." I thought we could just glue it back. Willy came out with me, but he said the same thing happened to him last week, he told Bill he went to Pep Boys and bought the kit, but it takes 24 hours to dry, and he learned the hard way he should have made an x with a pencil to mark the spot. Bill said it happened to him years back and there is a place on Columbus Road which did it in 10 minutes. Willy said he didn't know about that.
So Bill said “Get back in the car Anne, we'll go over there now.” He was worried the place wouldn’t be there any more, “things change” he kept saying “and not always for the best.” And we went there and it wasn’t there. So we tried Columbus Glass and Mirror, the place Willy had guessed Bill meant, but they don’t do cars. So we went to Pep Boys and he said we have to go to an auto body and glass shop, and gave us a card for one by Swapmeet. Bill said “I’m not going all the way over there.” So he said “well then go home and look up one in the phone book.”
So we got home, and Bill said "Look on the computer and find one close to us." They were all far away, but one had a close-to-us address so I called. I don't know why the guy, he said his name is Cort, found it all so humorous, but whatever I said he cracked a joke, which naturally put me in a good mood, it made it all seem so no-big-deal. Car terminology is just not at my fingertips. I should have said "the mirror fell off the windshield," but the word windshield was not in my mind, so instead I told him the story. "I just bumped it the least little bit and it fell off" I said. I thought I was clear. But it was a Tucson auto glass company, he kept trying to understand what glass was broken. Clearly he thought I was an idiot. So he approached the problem with baby steps to try to figure out what was broken. "What kind of car do you have?" he asked, and I told him all about our 2nd hand Chrysler, I did not understand why he wanted that info. But finally it dawned on him what the problem was. "The mirror fell off your windshield?" he asked. "YES!" I said "YES!" "So no glass is broken?" "No, no glass is broken." "Is the mirror broken?" "No" I said, "it fell into my lap, so it had a soft ride home" and I burst out laughing. "Well that's no problem" he said, "this happens all the time, it just happened to me this morning because I have a very old car, the UV in the sunlight simply eats up the adhesive, it happens in new cars too. It wasn't your fault it happened, it would have happened anyway." I had told him I bumped it and Bill said it was my fault for having too much stuff.
I guess he doesn't have a shop because he said he will come over to fix it. I said "you will want to be paid in cash not with check or the card." He said "right." I said "how much will it cost, I'll look all over and see how much cash I have." "15 dollars" he said. "15 dollars!" I said "that is great! that is nothing." And then he made another joke "did I say $15 I meant $150." I knew it was a joke. And he said "that is a joke." "I knew it" I said. "When do you want me to come over?" "Now" I said. "Now?" he said. "Yes, now." Bill had said he wanted it fixed now. "OK "he said, "I'm coming over, what is your address?" And I sure thanked him a lot and got off the phone to tell Bill the good news. Bill said he has a $20 and a ten. I said "good! give him the $20, 5 dollars for tip."
And then I went to the couch in backyard to relax in sunshine, the house is ice cold. My Higher Self said he will be there in 15 minutes so I just lay there and chit-chatted with my Higher Self and communicated with Cort in my mind too. And Beanie came out so he could lounge next to me on the ground and have gazillion pets. And eventually I heard what sounded like voices in my front yard but I could not be sure. And then Bill came out and said “it’s done, but we have to wait 10 minutes, then I will take you to Edith Ball Pool and we will go to Sunflower to buy food for Beanie and groceries.” “Great!” I said “great!” “Did you give him the $20” I asked. “Yes” he said, “he was very appreciative.” “Good!” I said “good!”
And 15 minutes later we set off for the swimming pool again, a different pool tho cause Willy's is closed. And it was a really nice swim and Jeff was there, I was surprised and happy to see him. And delicious hot showers. Willy's showers have not gotten warmer, they have gotten colder. Now all the girls are happy when it turns tepid from ice cold, the day we thought it would be hot are just a memory.
And we did nice little shopping at Sunflower. Bill waited in car. There were a lot of instructions. "Don't touch the mirror!" he told me, "don't slam the door! and have all your stuff organized so you don't bump it!" "I promise I will be very careful" I said. When we got out of Sunflower I guess sunset was starting. I really rarely do get to see sunsets, none of my windows face it, and usually I am watching tv anyway. But when things go wrong, hahahaha, somehow it always means you are driving in the car at sunset, you do get to see the sunsets. Of course usually it is a beauty show involving pink. But yesterday was one of my favorites because you so rarely see it. It all involved yellow light, a pale yellow, almost lemony. It was so subtle and so beautiful it took my breath away. I loved it. And all’s well that ends well.
photo of eagles posted by my friend in Alaska “The Marriage proposal”Written Sunday morning, January 18, 2009
Yesterday Bill took me to Willy's pool. We had not been there for a few days, we had been going to Edith Ball Pool at sunset. It was nice to see the Sun sparkling on the water again, to be back in all that light and beauty, that alive sparkling lit-up world. Mary, the lifeguard, said "the pool is cold, one of the heaters is not working right." So naturally I put off going in the water, I stood by her lifeguard stand and talked to her.
Because it is Martin Luther King Day weekend (the pools are closed tomorrow for the holiday, and for me it began few days ago on his actual birthday; Bill and I had gotten married on whatever day Martin Luther King Day fell on that year, because Bill was off from work and we went and got married) I told Mary "it is my wedding anniversary." She was curious. "How long have you been married?" she asked. And when I said "we got married that day because Bill was off from work for Martin Luther King Day and it rained and sleeted and hailed," she said "then it couldn't have been in Tucson, because it just became a holiday for us a few years ago." I said "it was in New York City." I said "because Bill is Catholic, first I went to the Catholic church in my neighborhood to ask the priest to marry us, but he said absolutely no because I am not a member of the community, and I just want it so I can have picture of church in my wedding pictures." Mary said "I am Catholic, and the priest was very rude to me too, when I asked if I could marry in the church, he said 'unless you put a donation in the envelope every week, you are not part of this community.'" Mary was still mad about it. She said "fine! you won't baptize my children and then they will go to hell!" Mary had more emotions because she is Catholic girl (I hadn't known that) and grew up in Catholic schools, she felt betrayed by the church. I hadn't thought anything. I had just walked out, walked the 5 blocks to the synagogue across the street from me, and asked the rabbi if he would marry us, and he said no also. And then I realized I had a problem on my hands. Getting married wasn't so easy.
"If you were a Catholic girl, you got to wear one of those beautiful white bride dresses for First Holy Communion" I said to Mary, "I always wanted that when I was a little girl." "Yes I did" she said. "You are lucky." She said she didn't wear white brides dress for her wedding, she wore lavender. I think in the end she went to Justice of the Peace. "Lavender is one of my favorite colors, I bet you looked pretty in it, with your blond hair, I bet you were a beautiful bride." Mary just smiled. But with her lovely blond hair and blue eyes, and sweet face, in a lavender dress, I bet she did look pretty, she is a beautiful woman. "There is only one picture, the others didn't come out.” "I'd love to see it" I said. It was the first time I had ever wanted to see someone's wedding photos, I don't know why. I guess because I know Mary and I love her, and I have only seen her in lifeguard clothes, a bathing suit and sweatshirt in winter, or bathing suit in summer. I never saw her in a dress, and it seems special, the dress she wore to her wedding.
It was time for Mary to go off duty, another lifeguard was replacing her, and she pointed out I only half hour to swim now, I might as well jump in. And it was good timing anyway, her kids are all teenagers now, but she and her husband have been having awful war for past year, neither of us wanted to go in that direction.
When she asked how long had I been married, I said how Bill and I had lived together for 16 years first and then I needed dental work and Bill had dental insurance from his job, so I said "let's get married," and he said "you have put up with my bullshit for so long I guess you deserve it." And so we went to get the Marriage License the next day. I laughed and said to Mary "that was my marriage proposal." She giggled and said "not very romantic." It was the first time I had told anyone how Bill proposed to me. "I was surprised" I told Mary "I thought he would be happy to marry me."
Mary was on board about getting married for dental insurance, "that's as good a reason as any" she said, but she didn't think the marriage proposal was romantic. I didn't care about dental insurance. I think once you have lived with someone for that long there has to be a precipitating factor to push it into marriage, otherwise you just keep letting it go. But you always know you want to get married, you are just procrastinating, it's an inertia. You are grateful for the precipitating factor which pushed you into it because it is what you always wanted. I actually find Bill's marriage proposal, which I never till yesterday thought of as a marriage proposal, interesting. It just describes our life so perfectly. It just sounds so much like me that I would say "Bill, dentist says it will cost 1600 dollars, you have dental insurance, let's get married." And Bill would say "you deserve it after what I have put you thru."
I really have no idea how anyone else got proposed to. You see it in the movies all the time but I have not heard specifics from one single other person.
