self portrait of Elisabeth Vigee Le Brun, friend of Marie Antoinette 8:40 am Christmas 2008 Thursday
"LOL It all began with stars in my eyes"It is a quiet fogged in Christmas morning. I have the windows open and am sitting here in 3 jerseys and a corduroy long skirt. The wind is coming from the west, I can feel it. But out my northern window it’s not stirring too much. So far I only hear birds, and a dog barking. O that wind from the west is picking up. Now it settled down.
Yesterday was a huge day. Bill took me swimming at Edith Ball pool. I was so happy to be swimming again, I had not stepped one foot out of the house for two days, and they had been rainy and cold. Because Monday morning the 2nd hand Chrysler leaked a whole quart of oil in 15 minutes, Bill knew he had to do something about it. So Monday was car drama. He took the Chrysler to PepBoys, and they diagnosed it and fixed it and his friend Jim was kind enough to drive him over when car was ready to go home. But it was so stressful that the next day, Tuesday, Bill wanted to take it easy and relax. That was the day of freezing cold rain all day. I turned the heat up high but spent most of it in my back bedroom, where heat doesn't reach, under 7 quilts in front of open window, watching “NCIS” marathon. Bill read in bed, and hung out with his kitty. Priscilla, the cat from outdoors, has not only adopted Bill, but spends the nights with him now. She likes to sleep late, one morning Bill reported she did not wake up till 11 am. When the dog is up and about she switches from Bill's bed to the table on the other side of it, which for some reason has tons of cotton clothes. Bill says she likes to spend her morning on her cotton mountain safe from the dog.
Yesterday morning, Christmas Eve, was still stormy. I did not write. I went on my news forum and chatted with posters. But when Bill woke up blue sky shone thru and even the sun, and I was happy because I knew I was going swimming today. By the time he showered and made his breakfast, there was so much sunshine I went to outside couch in backyard to lie in it. It was heaven soaking up its warmth and brilliance, and Bill brought his breakfast and joined me at the table. The only pool open was Edith Ball and it was only open till 2. So we decided to go early, and got in the truck and headed over there, and I had glorious swim and long long hot shower, and it was heaven and I felt great, and we got in the truck to go home.
Edith Ball Pool is in the middle of Reed Park, behind the zoo, just past Hy Corbett Field where all the baseball teams come for their spring training. To go back home, you have to drive thru all the huge parking lots for Hy Corbett Field, then thru a road in the park, and then you arrive on the big thoroughfare. And it was while we were driving thru all the huge parking lots behind Hy Corbett field that the truck acted up. He was not able to change gears. And he did not want to take it into heavy traffic of Christmas Eve when truck was acting up. So we kept driving around the parking lot, it is huge and empty, to see if he could get it to work. But it got worse and worse and finally he stopped and opened the hood to see if he could figure out what was wrong. He said "the nut is loose, if only I had a wrench and could tighten it, maybe that would do it." So I set off to try to find someone.
When the problem first began, just before, I noticed I was seeing stars in my eyes. This is something which never happened till I moved to Tucson, I don't know when it started, maybe a few years after we moved here. It doesn't happen very often, and I am always thrilled when it does. I really do not know how to describe it. It is like a star starting to form from the corner of my eye, and if I focus I can see the star form all the way. And then I try to be quiet and focus on the star. It doesn't last very long, usually about 10 minutes max, and I never know what brings it, it just seems like a wonderful gift. I don't know how often I have it, maybe 4 times a year, it is not that frequent, and seems to come at the oddest times. And just before Bill reported the clutch won't work, I had been watching the star form and reform in front of my eyes, and I was in ecstasy. Plus so happy from swimming and hot shower. So when the trouble started I still kept focusing on the star. And I did not panic, I stayed calm, and my confidence that all would be well stayed with me.
And I may have still been seeing the star in my eyes while he was working on the truck, but by the time he said "I need a wrench," it wasn't there anymore. The huge parking lot was deserted, but the gate to Hy Corbett Field was open. I decided to try to find someone. I walked in and there was a man coming back with his lunch. I said "my husband can't get the truck to start, he needs a wrench." And the young man came over to where Bill was. He said he is on his lunch hour. He was a very nice young man, he said his name is Ronnie. And I sat back down in the sunshine again. And he and Bill talked, and then he went back and got his friend Tom who had tools. And Bill tightened it, and at first it looked like it would work, but then it didn't. And I came over, and to my surprise, Tom had a very long braid down his back. He was also smoking a cigarette and I was dying for a cigarette.
I went back to sitting on the curb in the sunshine. I didn't have a cigarette, and so I was picking up handfuls of gravel and letting it fall thru my fingers and all over my skirt. I was content to be sitting in the sunshine playing with the dirt. Ronnie came over to get me, "your car is ready" he said. And on the way he stooped down and picked up a little rock. "This is for you." And it turned out to be an amethyst. I said "thank you, it is my favorite stone." And Bill had driven the truck all over parking lot. And I said "I see my car has arrived." We all giggled, it was funny to pretend Bill was my car service who had arrived to drive me home. But when Bill tried to put it in gear it would not work. The two men waved goodbye, it was time for them to go inside and get back to work. But before they did, I asked Tom for a cigarette. He was so nice about it. And it was a Winston, that used to be my favorite cigarette and I have not had one in a long time. So instead of playing with the dirt in the sunshine I smoked my long Winston and was happy, and I had my amethyst stone.
But Bill reported "it is worse now, the car won't go at all," and he had a card with the phone number for Mark and Larry service station where he brings the 2nd hand Chrysler. "They have a truck, call them and ask them to pick me up." So I went into the entrance of Hy Corbett Field to find Ronnie and Tom because I thought one of them might have a cell phone. And Tom appeared and I said "Bill can't get the truck to go at all, and I want to call the garage." He said the batteries on his phone are low, and he changed his position 3 times to get better reception, but he reached them. And I talked to the man who answered. And he said "we have no truck and there is no one here now, there are no mechanics here." So then I said to Tom "I can't remember my friend Jim's number but maybe this is it, can we call and try it." And he dialed it and said "it is ringing" and then someone answered and he asked if it was Jim and Jim must have said yes, so he passed the phone to me and I said "Jim, help, the truck won't move, we are stranded, come now." "Where are you and how do I get there?" he asked. So Tom got on the phone and explained and said "he is coming."
So I went back to Bill and said "Mark and Larry had no one there to help us but I remembered Jim's phone number and he is coming." And I went back to sit in the sunshine. And then Jim pulled up. Instead of his sportscar, he had driven the car he is baby sitting, a woman went to Los Angeles to be with her daughter and Jim graciously let her keep her Buick in his garage. He never drives it, even if his car is in the shop, this is the first time he drove it because he wanted a car big enough to take both me and Bill home, his sportscar is two-seater. He looked at the truck with Bill, but I saw him make a gesture which means "give up, it's no use." So then I knew they would not be able to fix it. Jim's idea was "leave the keys in the truck, let me drive you both home, call the tow-truck man, and he will arrive and bring the truck home for you." But Bill said "I'm not leaving the truck." Jim said "it could take 7 hours for tow-truck man to arrive, they are so busy." Bill said "I don't care if I have to sit here all night."
Jim and Bill have different styles of dealing with problems. Jim's car always breaks down, Bill is always going to pick him up. But Jim just leaves his car where it is. Even once in the middle of the biggest thoroughfare in Tucson, Jim said "I'm not going to stay out in this boiling heat waiting for them to arrive." He leaves the keys in, calls Bill on his cell phone, Bill picks him up and eventually the tow-truck man does arrive and brings it to Jim's mechanic. That is how Jim handles things but Bill is different.
So I got in the car with Jim. Jim couldn't understand why Bill would prefer to wait by truck. "He can go home, play with the dog, watch tv, go to sleep, it could be hours and hours, instead he said he will sit by the truck all night." And Jim said "another storm is coming in, and it will be cold very soon, is he going to sit in the dark and freezing rain, I would never do that." I said "Bill does things differently." My dad did things the way Jim does. We lived in a housing project in Flushing (actually an electricians co-op) and if something was broken, my dad called the office, then he left the front door unlocked, then he went in to take long delicious bath, and by the time he came out the repairman had fixed it. So I understand how Jim is, he is like my dad. But I have lived with Bill for trillion years now, and I know he is the opposite.
So I said to Jim "first take me to Royal Buick, that is who Bill always takes truck to for repairs." But they were closed. So then I said "take me to Cora and Floyd's, my neighbors, Floyd is mechanic, maybe he can come over and fix it." But when we arrived Cora and Floyd were just getting ready to go to a birthday party. Cora had her lipstick on, and her earrings, looked very pretty, was all dressed up. They were so sweet. It was like two angels. They were so sorry they could not help us, because they were just this minute leaving. Floyd looked at the Buick Jim was driving and said "Bill's pick-up truck is so light, why can't your friend pull him home." But Jim said it's not his car, he is not allowed to be driving it, and he has nothing to pull with. Cora and Floyd both felt so bad they couldn't help us out. But I said "it is fine, it was so sweet of them to want to, I feel so loved and secure by their loving kind helpfulness, and not to worry I will call tow truck." I got back into the car with Jim and he received phone call on his cell phone. My house is only one block away. And Jim wanted me to get out, go inside, call tow truck, and have them pick up Bill. I had thought Jim would do that for me from his cellphone in his car. Jim said "I can't, I just got that phone call telling me I have to be somewhere, I have no time, just go inside and do it." I said "Jim you have to help me, I am scared, I never called a tow truck before, I don't know how, I don't even know who to call." I said "who do you call?" He said "Red and White." I said "come in and help me." He really did not want to. He said "do you have a phone book?" I said "no, but I can look it up on my computer." He said "your computer takes 20 minutes to warm up." I said "now it is already on." So I typed in "Red and White Towing Tucson Arizona" and phone number came up immediately. I tried to talk to the woman but Jim helpfully took over when it came to explaining where Bill is. And then he said "you really lucked out, she said the man will be there in half an hour, maybe less." I said to Jim "don't you want to stop over and let Bill know a tow truck is on the way?" He said "no, the tow truck will get there before I will. So I thanked Jim a lot for his help and he was off. And I wished I could talk to Bill. I wanted to be able to tell him I had tried Royal Buick but it was shut down totally and not to bring the truck there, just bring it home. And then it dawned on me "I could call the woman back at Red and White, probably the man had not yet arrived, and she would give him the message, I am sure he is on cellphone." And the woman was so nice and she said "yes, she will tell him to tell my husband 'just bring the truck home, the place which fixes it is closed.'"
And I had 3 cigarettes in a row and then heated up the half of my bean burrito I had for breakfast. I was starving. And O Beanie was so glad I was home he was doing somersaults and would not leave my side. And I found my purse with my wallet in it because I knew I would have to pay the tow-truck man. This had happened once before. And I sat on the couch in front of screen door to frontyard with my Beanie and my cigarettes and my bean burrito to wait for Bill.
And my Higher Self said "he is coming now." And sure enough, I heard the sounds and I looked out. And our truck was on top of a flat bed, and huge truck drove it into our driveway. And Bill did not look that upset. A very nice young man, with the name John embroidered on his uniform, came out, and I thanked him for helping us. And I got out my wallet and he called in my credit card, and gave me a receipt and then got the truck off his flat bed and into our yard. And Bill said "thank you" and wished him a happy Christmas, and John said now he has to go home and cook a roast for 4 hours.
And Bill said how he first sat and waited, but then he got up to try to fix it again himself, and while he was working the tow-truck arrived. And John reassured him on the ride home that Bill did the right thing to call him. He said "a lot of people don't, and the result is their car breaks down in heavy traffic and they have to call him anyway, and on Christmas Eve everyone is in a rush to get home and they are passing everyone, he would not have wanted to try that."
I said "I'm going in to watch tv and relax" and Bill said "OK" but the phone rang and it was Jim. And I told him "Bill just got back" and he said "you got lucky." He just wanted to check up. And Cora had said "call and let me know how it worked out.” But if she was at a birthday party how could I call her. I decided I would call the next day. You always forget to call the people who say “call and let me know how it all worked out.” But I have been one of those where the person never called and I would have liked to have gotten that call. So I really did try to put it in my mind to call Cora. She and Floyd were so sweet and Cora said “I will be praying for you.”
And I was starving. So I heated up something for myself, and since the dog had not eaten his dinner dish whole time I was gone, I heated up his food too. It was the same food, chicken and rice, altho his had beef in it too and was much bigger bowl. I had cooked it up few days ago. And I got an iced cold Pepsi Cola and my bowl of hot tasty food. And Beanie's big bowl of warm tasty food I put down by the bed next to me, spread a little dishtowel where my pillow was, turned on the tv, ate my food and watched 8 episodes of "Top Chef" in a row. And when I could not keep my eyes open anymore, I turned my face in other direction and went to sleep.
Somewhere in the middle of the episodes of "Top Chef" Bill went in to make chili so we could have chili burritos for supper. I was still full from my two portions of chicken and rice and all those chocolate cookies I had for dessert, but Bill really wanted to share his food with me. So I made a burrito out of Bill's delicious chili and Beanie and I shared it, and he loved it, and so did I.
This was about 10 at night, Bill likes to eat late. He took his meal into his room so he could eat it in front of the game. He made chicken noodle soup with his and offered me some, but I wasn't hungry, altho it looked good. And I ate my half of the chili burrito and watched Beanie so totally enjoy his half. He is so cute. After he ate his half, he looked all around the plate all over the rug for morsels which might have fallen off.
I told Bill and Bill said "dogs love tasty food."
And then I just could not keep my eyes open for the last episode of "Top Chef" and I fell asleep.
O Beanie is burying his morning cookie now, right under the tree outside my window. He has spent all morning walking around with those huge dog cookies in his mouth, choosing his spot so carefully. Now he is filling in the hole with his nose. He is so assiduous. There is a whole big heap of fresh earth over his dog cookie. No one will ever find it. His cookie is safe....
"Honeycreek" by Jim Waid, Tucson artistTuesday, November 25, 2008, 6:56 AM
“Writing my Novel”
Well Audrey is proud of me. When she originally emailed me about novel-in-a-month I thanked her out of politeness. But she emailed back, “so are you going to do it?” And I think I left that email unanswered. Then she arrived with the book from Bookman’s (Bookman’s is our second-hand bookstore) by the founder of novel-in-a-month, on how to write a novel in a month. Audrey had read it and highly recommended it. I thanked her very much. But when she said “the sales slip is with it, in case you want to return it for another book,” my eyes gleamed. This was the week before the big election, my mind was totally taken up with that. I would just go on the computer to read election news, or talk about it with fellow posters on my news forum. However I had made the great discovery that the charity bookstore on way home from pool had used paperbacks for 50 cents. I hadn’t read a book in ages and ages because library is really out of our way, I was totally starved for reading. Without anything to read my whole life, when I was not on computer, was TV shows. Until I discovered there was a way for me to read books again, which was about a month before Audrey told me about novel in a month.
I began by buying every Agatha Christie they had, even tho I had read them all a long time ago, it was long enuf ago. O I loved them so much, reading was such a joy and those were the perfect books to read. I was so happy to be reading again. The first few times I only bought mysteries at the charity store, but the third time I went I noticed the paperback mysteries were in the same section as the classics and I bought Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austin. And after I finished all the mysteries and there was nothing left to read, I opened up Sense and Sensibility and began to read that. At first I found it unreadable. I would try to read a little and then put it aside in frustration, “this is torture” I said. But then I got used to her writing and I got caught up in the story, and I enjoyed what I was reading, and sometimes it was very funny. I got completely addicted. I really loved that book. I am sorry it ended. And this is what I had just begun reading when the month of November arrived.
I was spending my mornings at computer with election news, and the afternoons and evenings with Sense and Sensibility, the story of Elinor and Maryanne, two sisters, when England was still very rural, it was how the gentry lived.
I had decided I would do Novel-in-a-month, why not! It would bring me back to writing again, and it was an unknown and an adventure. And I told Audrey I would start a day or two after the election. I couldn’t imagine starting before, my whole mind was on the election. Audrey tried to convince me to start on November first the way you are supposed to, “surely the election cannot take up the whole of your mind!” she emailed me. But I still had it in my mind the election was Tuesday, so I would start on Wednesday.
Meanwhile I guess Audrey decided to do it herself. She had read the book by the founder of Novel In A Month. She had always wanted to write. She was a painter and had been to art school but she always wanted to write. And the founder had explained this is a good way to start writing. And he is right about that. It’s a great way to start writing. This is a huge favor to anyone who has ever dreamed of becoming a writer.
That made it a whole lot more fun that Audrey and I were going to do it together. I never had a writing partner and companion in that way. I loved it. Audrey was doing it by the book. She had her outline prepared and the characters, and the day before it was to begin on October 31, she got out her outline and looked at it, and all her characters and emailed me “Ready! Set! Go!” And asked me if I had looked at the book she had given me.
I didn’t answer the part of her email where she said “have you read the book I gave you, it has so much helpful information in it.”
And then to my own huge surprise I did not wait till day after election or two days after that. The election was on Tuesday of course, and on Sunday I sat down to try to write my novel. I got exactly nowhere. I described what the weather was out my window and what my yard looked like, and hoped something would come into my mind to write about, but nothing came into my mind. “That’s OK” I said to myself, “at least you broke the ice with writing again.” I hadn’t written in 2 months, it was good to break the ice. And I clicked on my news forum and talked about the election with everyone. And then went back to reading Sense and Sensibility.
And the next morning, I guess it was Monday, I clicked on my machine to go back to writing my novel. And again I described the weather and my yard, but this time it worked, a story came. I decided to write about Ruthie’s new love affair. And whether it was because I was reading Sense and Sensibility, which is about the love affairs of each of the two sisters, or because it is something that everyone knows, I thought “what a perfect topic for a novel, my friend's love affair, this is the classic novel topic.” And I got totally excited. I was going to write a novel and it was going to be about Ruthie’s new love affair. And so I wrote about Ruthie’s whole life, and this was great, I actually had a chapter, Chapter 1.
And I said to myself “I am writing a novel, and it is called Ruthie Has a New Love” and I was so happy. And the next day in the pool I told everyone about it and suggested they write a novel too, after all it was just the beginning of the month.
But for some reason Chapter 2 did not take off where I left off. There was no long flow of narrative. The first chapter had been the whole background to the love affair, the second chapter was the love affair. And I don’t know why that one didn’t work. It was very short and I didn’t have very much to say. I realize now that was the morning of the election. I guess I forgot all about the election when I sat down to write my second chapter about her new love affair and wasn’t able to get it off the ground.
Then we voted and went swimming. And I came home and read Sense and Sensibility.
And then it was the 3rd morning. And there was just no way I could sit at my computer and not write about the election. I knew I was taking my novel off course, but what else could I do. I had a lot of feelings about the election, because on the local level I had lost big time. I hadn’t gotten what I wanted and I got what I didn’t want. But by the time I finished that chapter I was at peace with myself about it all, it helped me.
And the next morning I just wrote about my own life again, I wrote about my yesterday. Since all my short stories had been about my own life, about my yesterday, when I emailed Audrey (she had been emailing me every day to give me pep talk about my novel) I said “I started it, it was going great guns, I was writing about my friend’s love affair, but I got off course, and now I am just writing about my yesterday.” And she emailed back “you always write about your yesterday, here is your chance to write a novel, do it!” She was completely dismayed that I had gone back to writing what I always write. And she told me about their word count and I should go register at the site, and no one is allowed to talk about what they are writing, or to show their writing to anyone on the site, they can only say their word count. And she told me about her word count and her plot and her characters, and asked “did you read that book I gave you, it will help you.”
And I went over and registered at the site. They asked for a screen name, so I chose Desert Broom. Altho Audrey thinks it is Desert Bloom, which is a nice name too. And because I had registered there, I got the first week pep talk letter they sent out to everyone, which I didn’t read but I was very glad to get it. I liked being part of this thing and it really made me feel part of it that I got it.
On the 4th day I knew I was off course and would never get back on course. Unless Ruthie called me again with an update about her love affair, there was nothing I could say about it at all. And so I just cracked jokes about my novel. I said “my novel has a first chapter about Ruthie’s new love affair, and at the end of the month she will call with an update, so it will have a last chapter about it, and then there will be nothing in-between, I will write about my yesterday for the whole novel.”
But then to my surprise Ruthie called that evening. “O Anne so much is happening it could be a book,” she said. “A novel” I said. Altho I sure wasn’t going to tell Ruthie I was writing a novel about everything she told me on the phone. And she told me all about the developments in her new love affair, and all the new surprise developments with her boyfriend in college who she had never gotten over, they are now on email together. And when she talked about him, she said “this is all such a secret, what he confided to me in email, you must promise not to tell anyone, not even Bill.” And I promised. But when she opened up the conversation “there are so many new developments, this could be a book,” my first thought was “O good now I have a new chapter for my novel.” And I listened intently to everything she said.
And the next day it all went into my novel. “Ruthie will murder me” I thought “if she ever finds out, but Audrey will be so pleased I introduced new characters.” The college boyfriend who I was not to breathe a word about, was the new character in my novel. And that evening Ruthie and I had tête-à-tête with our Higher Selves on the phone about both these relationships and what they mean in Ruthie’s life now, and what Ruthie is supposed to be doing. And so I had another chapter, I said everything her Higher Self said about Ruthie and the two men.
I thought “Goody! it is a real novel again.”
But there were no more phone calls after that. And so it was back to writing my yesterday and of course there was a huge drama about buying new computer for Bill, that was a major event in my life. I wrote up the whole experience of being in Office Depot. It was such a big experience for me, buying this computer and monitor and printer, that the next day I wrote it all up. And the day after that I could not even write. I tried to force myself to do it, and one sentence eked out. And I shut down the machine and went in to read. I had exhausted myself buying the new computer and then writing it up the next day.
We must have bought the computer on a Friday. Saturday I wrote it up. And Sunday I could not write one word. I took a day off, it was my first day off in writing my novel. It was the climax of the Full Moon too I remember, that beautiful Full Moon. Alas for me all that full moon energy went into the new computer. If my novel has any crisis point that is it, and it is about going shopping. Such is my life, but I don’t know if a novel it makes. And then I went back to my daily life in a far more low-keyed way. Just short dreamy chapters about my morning and my yesterday. The teeny uneventful things which pass thru a day. Listening to an old friend’s message on my answering machine, feeding the cat. But I liked doing it. I liked waking up each morning and writing new chapter for my novel. It was such a pleasant way to start a day. It seemed so much easier than trying to write a brand new short story each morning when I woke up, because a story has to have so much life in it to stand on its own. And now that Sense and Sensibility was over, and I was going to see if I could enjoy the other books at the bottom of the pile, I realized I just wanted something to read. And I thought “maybe that is all a chapter has to do, give someone something to read.” It is like writing without a pressure, no pressure to deliver. All you want to do is give someone something so they can keep reading, and things could be as easy as pie for me. Maybe it is a lazy man’s solution to writing. But after all these years of trying to deliver something in a story, I liked just meandering down my life, and writing down whatever comes. It is like drifting down a big river. I might have my line out, but some of the time no fish bites. But I am still enjoying the ride. I love it, in fact. And that is the whole truth. I love writing a novel and I don’t know why. Just that it is relaxing and fun and easy and enjoyable.
And I found out from Audrey’s email the novel has to be 50,000 words, 170 pages, and we end on November 30th. And I was now getting regular pep talks from them, which I was not reading, but I was glad to be getting. And one of the pep talks I did read a little of and I liked. He said “this is just to serve you, to get you writing, and however it serves you, it is doing what it is supposed to be doing.” And Audrey was still telling me about her plot and her characters and how she has to make a graph on her hard drive to keep track of all of them, and am I doing that too? But she has fallen behind in word count and has to rush to keep up.
And I wrote back “we are both doing fine in our novels and that is great” and “O Audrey I thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting me into this, I love it.”
And Audrey said she had registered her word count on the site. And yesterday morning, after I wrote that totally loopy chapter-- never have I been more at odds and ends with myself and that chapter shows it; every instinct I have says “take it out,” but I will leave it in, maybe novels need a loopy chapter-- I did the word count on everything I had written and entered it on the site.
And they make you post it all to prove it is that many words. I had found out from Audrey that for November we are not supposed to edit. We are only supposed “to write like the wind” according to Audrey. And after November 30th we are given one month to edit what we have written. So I took the whole mish-mosh of what I had written, 9/10ths with uncorrected typos, and posted it. They said “our robot counter will just count the words to verify your word count and then delete it.” Which is what happened. And it turned out I have 47,000 words, which is very close to what they want. In fact with that loopy chapter which I wasn’t sure if I was going to include, it would have put me over. And then they had me write the name of my novel. And instead of calling it “Ruthie Has A New Love,” I decided to call it “Daddy-o,” which means something to me personally but doesn’t mean anything to anyone else. But I thought “no one pays attention to the meaning of novels’ names anyway.” And they wanted a description of my novel, so I wrote a description. And they wanted an extract, so I put in an extract from my first chapter about Ruthie because that is the only one which reads like a novel.
And then I wanted picture for my book cover. And I tried to upload the drawing Layla had done of the belly dancer dancing, but I couldn’t get it to upload. And then I emailed Audrey “what is your name there so I can put you on my buddy list?” And I told her my word count is 47,000 because I like to blab a lot when I write.
And because Audrey was at work last evening with nothing to do, she went over and looked at everything about my novel. She saw my verified word count and guess what? To my utter surprise and amazement, Audrey is impressed with me. I don’t think anyone has ever been impressed with me or proud of me in my whole life. It is such a totally new feeling. I am stunned. She said “you might be the winner!” I had no idea this thing was about winning, that there is anything to win. And she said I have more words than the founder. That is what really impressed Audrey, that the founder of National Write a Novel in a Month, the man who wrote that book on how to do it, I have more words than he does. Maybe it is silly to be happy that Audrey is impressed with me and proud of me just for a lot of words. But I’ve never had this experience before. Nothing I wrote has ever been published. Even Audrey who has read every single one of my short stories on email for past 3 years, has never been proud of me or impressed with me till I had lot of words. I am going to email my mother that I have a lot of words, so she can be proud of me and impressed with me too. Altho I will send Audrey’s email along with it, to give her the hint that she is supposed to be proud and impressed by this. She might not know that, only Audrey knows that because she is on this site. And Audrey said her novel ground to a halt because so many other things in her life came up. Audrey works at a tv station, plus she teaches art, she has classes. She said she will try again another time.
And I sent her the drawing of the belly dancer Layla did, on email. And I sent her my password and screen name there, and because Audrey was at work with nothing to do, she turned it into a book cover and posted it under my screen name. Along with my description of novel, extract from novel, and WORD COUNT!! It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. That drawing by Layla is so expressive and feelingful, and dreamy, when Audrey put in Daddy-o in huge big block letters it overwhelmed the drawing, it lost its feeling. I said “let’s change to one of your watercolors of the desert mountains.” But Audrey said “I like the dancer.” She has my name on it as Desert Bloom, instead of desert broom which is a weed in my backyard. But maybe I should go with that name instead. Altho maybe I will switch to Palo Verde. I think I would rather be Ms. Verde than Ms. Broom, and the palo verde is the tree out my window, it grows all over the desert wild.
Audrey emailed back “don’t think about your cover now, go back to writing like the wind.” She is concerned I won’t make the 50,000 and make it over the top. She wants me to be a winner. LOL she is my coach.
And it is very nice to have a coach. I don’t know which I have enjoyed more in writing my novel, writing my novel or having Audrey as my coach. She’s a wonderful coach. Even tho she was so disappointed in me at first, I now surpassed her wildest dreams because I have more words than the founder.
Peppersauce Canyon by Tucson artist Jim Waid “Anne and Neil”
(from my novel "Daddy-o")
(written November 27, 2008)So yesterday I wrote about him and Ruthie, their relationship. Because the boyfriend you live with during college and after college and who you plan to marry, and who is the one who started your awakening, is a major relationship. For me it came to a natural end. I moved out, he was upset, but we stayed very close till Bill moved in with me, and Tania moved in with him, and have been best friends forever. We lost contact 8 years ago, but I called him last winter and it was a beautiful phone call. We were both lost in the glory of what we each had brought the other back then. I was so appreciative of what he had brought into my life back then at 21, and he was so appreciative of what I had brought into his. And we had helped each other over the years when we were close friends too. We were both writers. Altho Neil was writing his book on Marxism, I was writing short stories. But after Ruthie got me on computer, and I saw what God’s gift that was to writers, I got Neil on the computer and boy he sure appreciated it too. As soon as he finished his book on Marxism and the labor movement, a real book company wanted to publish it. They assumed he was a professor and wrote him a letter, “Dear Dr Cantos.” I couldn’t believe that Neil wrote scholarly text on Marx and Engels and the labor movement and publishers snapped it up. Whereas I was writing all my wonderful short stories and no publisher would go near it with a ten foot pole.
But a peculiar thing happened. Naturally Neil’s book had about a million quotes by Marx, and his publisher insisted he get permission for them before they could publish his book. And it turned out World Publishers, a small outfit on 14th Street of leftists, owned all the rights to those quotes. And when Neil called up Mrs. Appelbaum, as a formality, to ask for permission to use all the quotes, she said no. She said if you want to use the quotes you have to pay us $1000 for each quote, and since there were about a million quotes that was impossible. Neil called his big brother who had a rage, and said “take her to court! take her to court! that is outrageous!” Neil’s big brother was furious at her. But in the story Neil told me about the upsetting phone call with Mrs. Appelbaum, buried way down in the story, as just a minor detail, Mrs. Appelbaum had said “why didn’t you take your book to us first.” And suddenly I understood everything. Mrs. Appelbaum was being recalcitrant and difficult because she was envious Academic Press was going to publish it, she wanted the book, she wanted to publish it, and she was insulted Neil had not brought it to her.
“Neil!” I said, “you bought all those beautiful new clothes and you look so good in them. Just take Mrs. Appelbaum out to lunch. Take her to a beautiful fancy restaurant. You are so good at that, and can be so charming and classy. She is mad because she wants to publish your book and you didn’t offer it to her. All you have to do is take her out to lunch, dress beautifully, be absolutely lovely to her, and promise her your next book you will bring right to her.”
I don’t know if Neil believed me, but it was a solution he was willing to try. He wrote Mrs. Appelbaum a long lovely letter, telling her just how much the books from World Publishers have meant to him. There were enough compliments in that letter to her publishing company and to her, to make her head spin. I don’t know if he ever did take her to lunch. Because when she called Neil back, butter couldn’t melt in her mouth. She insisted she have the rights to the paperback edition of the book, which of course put Neil in 7th heaven. He never dreamed anyone would want to put it out in paperback, he was thrilled. And she graciously let him have all the quotes by Marx and Engels for free. And they are the best of friends. And he promised Mrs. Appelbaum, as soon as he finishes his next book he will bring it right to her. And she was gratified, and so was Neil. He already had a publisher lined up for his next book.
If Neil had held any grievance against me for breaking up with him 20 years before, I bet that made up for it. I had turned that whole situation around for him. Instead of now being impossible to get his book published, that was coming out, he was already preparing the paperback edition with Mrs. Appelbaum, and he had a publisher lined up for his next book.
And I had the gratification of seeing spirituality really did pay off. I had just started to be spiritual at that time, and I knew having a rage and going to war was not the best solution. It was the one Neil’s big brother suggested, but I had learned differently. Instead of seeing Mrs. Appelbaum as a monster, there was another way to look at it, and I was able to find it when I looked for it.
It gratified me and reinforced my belief in spirituality, that it was so practical, that I could use it to help my friend Neil get everything he wanted. Neil had been very insulting when I first started on this path. It had began with me praying, with me believing in God, and reading the Gospel of St John to find words of comfort for the terrible travails I was going thru then. I don’t know how Neil knew I was reading the Gospel of St John. Did I confide it to him? or did he see the open book in my kitchen? All I know is he said, “this is awful Anne, you are like one of the crazy women you see in the subway, who are always reading the Bible and talking to themselves.”
I was so happy to be able to help Neil, that I did not mention to him “I am not a crazy lady on the subway after all.”
Post script, I have read Neil’s book. Because it was written from passion, and Neil is a great writer, and did all the original research, it is a great book.
