Adventure at Access TV
Saturday April 8th 2006
I went down and did the show for Alice yesterday.
Bill and I left at 10:30 AM to go to Office Depot to pick up the booklets I had made of 4 of my stories, then we went to pool so I could swim a little, and then we arrived at Access TV studio in downtown Tucson. After I picked up the booklets and paid for them, I spent most of the trip on way to pool wondering why each one had cost 10 dollars. But my Higher Self kept saying, “forget about the money, you are going to be on tv, you want to be in happy frame of mind.” And eventually I was able to put it out of my mind.
When we arrived at pool Bill said “it is already 11:30 and Alice’s thing begins at noon, you can only swim for five minutes.” I said “but Bill Alice told Ruthie it will take her an hour to set up the lights, that is why it is fine for Ruthie to arrive during her lunch hour.” But Bill insisted we arrive on time, so I shortened my swim. I had found an email from Ruthie just before we got up to leave, saying “I am very sorry Anne but I won’t be able to make it after all, it just feels too rushed to me, so you read the story, you will do fine.”
I took short swim, showered, put on dress, and we got in car to drive over there. There was a lot of construction on Stone Road, which was the cross street for downtown. But we both tried to be patient as traffic was at standstill.
We parked in Access TV studio parking lot. And Bill said he was going to the Main Library, he didn’t want to come up, so we arranged he would ask his Higher Self when I was finished, and we would meet in coffee shop across the street.
Alice came down with a woman to help her bring her paintings upstairs just as Bill and I were saying goodbye. And I figured that woman was another one of the artists Alice was going to do a half hour show on. Alice looked beautiful, I’ve never seen her look so beautiful. Her hair was long and lovely with one side swept back with jeweled barrette. She had a long skirt made of all different patchwork designs, silk, but figure hugging. So it looked like one of those bustle skirts women wore at turn of century, except for the outstanding color and design. And a kind of black velvet jacket for top. She looked like a knock-out.
I went upstairs to Studio A. It is a huge room with many cameras high up. Alice was there, the woman artist I had seen downstairs, a man and a woman. Alice introduced me to the two women. I had thought both the women were artists going to do their shows for Alice, but the younger one, Deborah, turned out to be a cameraman too. So was the young man. Just the woman (Dorfay) was an artist waiting to do her show. The young woman (Deborah) was wearing a dress as if she was in a renaissance fair. The woman artist (Dorfay) was wearing tailored clothes and pretty necklace. I didn’t catch the name of the young man.
They were all involved in setting up Dorfay’s paintings and arranging them so the light would be right on them, and then setting up all the other lights. I sat in a chair in the corner by myself. Dorfay was talking to everyone. They all seemed to recognize her. Finally she came over to me and began talking to me. She said “I had that operation, I had had so many operations, and after that last one a few months ago, Carl came to take care of me. It was thought I was going to die and he would live, but it turned out the reverse, 3 days later he died. And that was several months ago. I am fine, but I am not going to have any more operations. But my memory isn’t as good because I am so surprised to find that I am alive and he is not.”
She said all this to explain why there was something she could not remember. I hadn’t planned to get involved in socializing before the show, I wanted to keep my focus, but I actually understood what she was telling me. Because back in NYC my friend Marjorie had told me, “I never planned to live past 30, so now I don’t know what to do with my life.” I told Dorfay what my friend Marjorie said, and she was into it. She was happy someone understood her own experience.
Then she went back to help them light the paintings, and she was happy talking about her paintings with them. And I began to realize this was going to take a very long time. She and I had now been there a whole hour and nothing had progressed as far as I could see. And I figured she would do her show first. I had waited an hour, and was now looking at waiting two more hours. And I put my face in my hands. It was so uncomfortable sitting there. I don’t mind empty time if I can lounge myself and communicate with my Higher Self. But to just sit uncomfortably on a chair, and have to go downstairs and outside each time I wanted a cigarette, and the wait seemed long, especially since there was no end in sight.
I was starting to get unhappy. Dorfay walked over when I had my face in my hands, and said “I know just how you feel.” I said “is this thing ever going to happen,” and she said, “I don’t know.” I was so surprised and touched she identified and understood that I said “I love you.” I realized she had come over to pierce thru my unhappiness and I made huge effort to become happy.
After that I eavesdropped when she talked to the others. It seems Carl was her husband, and had been State’s top Prosecuting Attorney, then Chief Justice of Arizona Supreme Court. He had many interesting cases, and the young man wanted to ask her about them. He said “tell me about Angela Davis, I’ve heard her name but I never knew what she did.” And Dorfay said “that was a very interesting time” and “Angela Davis had been framed.” “It was all a frame” she said. And she said how Angela Davis’ brother had come into court with a bag, opened it up, took out a rifle and began shooting people. And the man said “why was Angela Davis on trial for what her brother did?” And Dorfay said “it was all a frame.”
Then another hour passed, and I was looking very down in the mouth again. So Dorfay came over and told me when she was 17 years old and living in Tokyo she had rheumatic fever. The Tokyo doctor showed her the x ray, and showed her how her heart was leaking, and said “you only have till age 21 to live.” And Dorfay went home and got out her mom’s medical books, her mother was a physician, and looked it all up, and sure enough she only did have few years to live. So she got an alarm clock and decided to live by the clock. 15 minutes for this, 15 minutes for that, no regrets, no looking back, make each 15 minutes count.
She said the result is, she has had a very unusual life. And when she tells people about her life, she discovered no one believes her, they don’t believe the things she said she did, she really did. Again I understood what she was telling me, because of Alice. Alice’s life is like no other life, and each time Alice tells me about her life, I have a hard time believing it, but I am learning now it is all true, and it all did happen, she just happened to have had a totally unusual life. Dorfay said “when I discovered no one believed me I stopped telling them about my life, but I decided ‘who cares what others think.’ I tell about my life because how else can I remember it all.” I didn’t tell Dorfay why I understood what she was saying, but I think she realized I did.
She said she studied Oriental painting because she was in the East. And then she studied painting with the Indians. She said “Oriental painting is very interesting, they have a whole other way of painting.” And then she told me China had invited both her and Carl to live there. “You can live wherever you want” they told her. They wanted Carl to teach law there and for her to teach.. “Painting” I guessed. “No, they didn’t know I was painter, they wanted me to teach speech and theatrics.” I don’t know if she and Carl took up the job offer, but I do think they were taken all over China on guided tours.
Then there was another long wait. I was starting to get uncomfortable and unhappy again. It was now 2 PM and I couldn’t take it. I still didn’t see any progress. Dorfay’s show looked complicated, I figured she would go first, and it would be another two hours. I said to Alice “I am leaving, I will be back at 4 PM.” And “Alice said “Don’t go! We will do you first because you are only 15 minutes and Dorfay’s show is complex.” So I said “OK.”
So about 15 minutes later she had me and Dorfay sit on the stage to try out the lighting. And I thought “at last the show is on its way.” But it was another 45 minutes of us just sitting on the stage while they tried out the lighting. Each time we started to get impatient, they said “this is so you will look beautiful and glamorous, we are doing all this for you.” As I said to Dorfay on the stage, “they appeal to our vanity, they say ‘just be patient, we’re doing this to make you beautiful.’” And Dorfay said “and it works!” And I burst out laughing. “Yes” I said “it works, we'll sit forever in order to look beautiful on tv.” I caught a glimpse of myself on the screen and got upset. I told Dorfay “I have not looked in the mirror for 20 years, because each time I see myself in the mirror it ruins my whole day.” And Dorfay said, her too, she never looks in the mirror. “Why have your whole day ruined?” I said to Dorfay. “Exactly” Dorfay said to me. And we both agreed we would not watch the show when it came on tv. “Why ruin our life” I said. And Dorfay said “exactly.”
I felt immensely close to Dorfay sitting on the stage with her, both agreeing how we won’t look in the mirror and we won’t watch our show, because we don’t like how we look. “I will pray we both look like beautiful goddesses” I told Dorfay. “Thank you” she said.
I was going to tell Dorfay to take off her glasses, but I thought maybe she doesn’t want to. But we were up there so long that finally Dorfay said, “I am going to take off my glasses, I only need them to read my poem, I’ll put them back on then.” “Good idea” I said “Dorfay, because your eyes have a sparkle to them.” And I have to admit sitting next to Dorfay up on that stage for that 45 minutes while they did the lighting, the joy and beauty of the sparkle in Dorfay’s eyes, really lit me up. I don’t know how to describe it, it’s as if a star in the night sky was greatly greatly greatly magnified, so all you saw was huge sparkle.
And that’s really the story of the show. Dorfay and I were up there holding hands the whole time to give each other support. When I was finally allowed to start I didn’t waste any time because I really wanted to do this thing already. I launched instantly into my story with my hand on Dorfay’s thigh, I had my left hand pressed on her thigh, with my right hand I read my story, I only took my hand off to flip the pages. They said “don’t look at the camera” so I looked at the clock. But each time I started a new part I looked into Dorfay’s eyes. And that huge loving sparkle of love and joy, sparkled, bigger than any star, with love and joy for me. Dorfay turned it into heaven for me.
When it was over Alice came up and said “you had the page in front of your face the whole time,” and she looked dismayed. I know I had made some mistakes. I had taken one part out of the story to read on tv, that I decided I wanted in when I discovered it wasn’t there. So I had stopped myself from reading the final two paragraphs in the middle of reading it, got out my booklet I had made in xerox store, and read that part, and then went back and read last two paragraphs. I know it was weird.
But Alice looked totally dismayed about the whole thing. I had figured something wasn’t going exactly right when I felt people leave the room and talk. I knew Alice and some of the others who worked there had left the room to say something I was doing was wrong. I didn’t know it was because of the paper in front of my face. They should have had a table to put my story on.
Then I got off the stage and Alice got on to interview Dorfay, and her show was starting. And a woman in the back of the room, I guess she had arrived to do her show, said “I like your dress.” And I said “your outfit is beautiful and that necklace.” She was wearing the most beautiful African outfit, she could be the cover of a magazine. She said “the children made this necklace, it is play dough, and my friend said ‘wear it with your costume, it goes.’” It is a stunning costume, she will look glorious on tv.
I went downstairs and there was Bill. And I said “come on up, Alice prepared all this delicious Turkish food for everyone, it is all your favorite dishes.” So Bill said “let me lock up the truck.” And the Green Room had lots of pizza and all of Alice’s food she had worked so hard to prepare. I had pizza and Bill had both. He had wanted to eat in an Arab restaurant and was so happy to find all these Middle Eastern dishes. And then Dorfay joined us in the Green Room, I guess her show was finished. And a lovely woman named Miriam arrived to do her show, she is writer too.
And Miriam and Dorfay began to talk. I said to Dorfay “you saved me.” And Dorfay said “I was very nervous myself, but seeing you through your nervousness totally relaxed me, by the time I did my show I was completely relaxed.” “We saved each other” I said. “Yes” Dorfay said.
Alice edits my Video
May 3 2006
I hadn’t seen Alice since we did the show together. But last week I saw her at the pool. “I began editing your video” she said, “it is only 15 minutes.”
“So put it on with Dorfay's” I said, “that will make a half hour, and you have half hour show.”
“I will” she said, “but it means taking 4 minutes out of Dorfay's, maybe I will take out the poem she read.”
Alice said “I edited out all the stuff from your video which shouldn’t be there, I took out the part where you were naked.”
“I was naked?” I said, “I don’t remember that.”
“And I took out the part where your dress fell down.”
“My dress fell down? I don’t remember that.”
“And I edited out the part where you discovered a part of your story you wanted in, wasn’t in the pages you were reading, so you stopped, and said ‘I want this’ and found it on the table and read it from that.”
I have problems with accuracy myself, but never would I have called pushing my bra strap back up 3 times, to I was naked, and my dress fell down.
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