Friday, July 27, 2007, 5:05 AM
"Activity"
Dawn in Tucson. First bird has not chirped yet. Just the start of the light. Heavy sleep and heavy dreams. Travel long distance to wake up in morning. Helen was interviewed on radio, the show can be heard on internet. Layla’s video about belly dancing, with backdrop of Manhattan, is on Access TV Tucson. And Jan is ruthlessly cleaning her house, cleaning out dresser drawers and doing ruthless give-away to Good Will. It is a time of great activity after no activity at all. And I, after having posted on no forum at all for past two months, am now posting on 2, one political, one spiritual. Altho I am posting lightly, no one knows better than me how consuming posting can be, and I don’t want to get consumed again.
Posting on a political forum is easy and familiar for me, I have done it for past 7 and a half years. Even tho I didn’t return to the forum I left two months ago, I know most of the people on this new one, we have been together on one forum or another during the past years, and it’s always fun meeting new people. When I first left my other forum two months ago, and posted I am leaving and gave my reason why-- the members of this forum, which is a spin-off of my old one, still lurk on my old one and comment on everything which goes on there on their forum, so I wasn’t so surprised to see a thread there about my leaving.
Nothing in the whole wide world is as gossipy as right-wing news forums. There have been long endless gossipy threads discussing everyone who has ever been on these forums. And there have been a few gossipy threads about me too in the past. These threads are made up of posts which attack you, posts which defend you, and then posts which discuss you ad infinitum. I never read any of the threads about me in the past, I thought I’d get my feelings hurt. And I was extremely surprised I read this one 6 weeks ago. This forum is a much smaller forum, there are not so many posters, and not so many there know me, so it wasn’t a very long thread. And to my amazement I was detached and fascinated. Maybe because I was off the internet, maybe because of the mood I was in, it made no difference whether they said nice things about me or awful things about me. I just found it so interesting I was a topic under discussion.
[Since palo verde is my screen-name, naturally they call me Palo]
One said I was the stupidest person on god’s green earth. And another one said “Palo is not as stupid as she seems.” And another one said “Palo has changed, recently she is not as stupid as she used to be.”
One said “if Palo has left her old forum she is welcomed here.” And another said “she has a lot of apologies to make before she is welcomed here.”
One said “Palo is so stupid, she must be a secret government agent, posting to throw us off the track.” Another said “no, she’s not a secret government agent posting to throw us off the track, she is a hippy from the ‘60s who never grew up.”
And then they lost interest talking about me and began to argue among themselves about the current administration. Ordinarily I find it interesting how everyone sees what is going on in DC now, but in the mood I was in then it was far more interesting reading all about me than DC politics. And I stopped reading when I noticed they never returned to the topic of me.
I guess after that, it was a given if I returned to posting on the net, that would be the forum I would go to. But I didn’t see it that way at the time, I thought I would never post on a political forum again. And I am actually surprised I clicked it on two days ago and began to post about Ron Paul there.
I began to post on a spirit forum too, which I had never done before. And I am liking that experience because it is a totally new experience for me. It is a little like trying to catch a pink cloud in your hands. How do you describe the things which you have never described before, and which you don’t know how to describe. I am used to living with all these experiences, changes in mind and emotions. I live the experiences, think about them, wonder about them. It never crossed my mind before that I had never communicated about them. It is my whole inner life, all the thoughts which make up the whole backdrop to my mind. Trying to put it into words on my new spirit forum is odd and unusual experience.
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