“The Marriage proposal”

photo of eagles posted by my friend in Alaska
“The Marriage proposal”
Written Sunday morning, January 18, 2009

Yesterday Bill took me to Willy's pool. We had not been there for a few days, we had been going to Edith Ball Pool at sunset. It was nice to see the Sun sparkling on the water again, to be back in all that light and beauty, that alive sparkling lit-up world. Mary, the lifeguard, said "the pool is cold, one of the heaters is not working right." So naturally I put off going in the water, I stood by her lifeguard stand and talked to her.

Because it is Martin Luther King Day weekend (the pools are closed tomorrow for the holiday, and for me it began few days ago on his actual birthday; Bill and I had gotten married on whatever day Martin Luther King Day fell on that year, because Bill was off from work and we went and got married) I told Mary "it is my wedding anniversary." She was curious. "How long have you been married?" she asked. And when I said "we got married that day because Bill was off from work for Martin Luther King Day and it rained and sleeted and hailed," she said "then it couldn't have been in Tucson, because it just became a holiday for us a few years ago." I said "it was in New York City." I said "because Bill is Catholic, first I went to the Catholic church in my neighborhood to ask the priest to marry us, but he said absolutely no because I am not a member of the community, and I just want it so I can have picture of church in my wedding pictures." Mary said "I am Catholic, and the priest was very rude to me too, when I asked if I could marry in the church, he said 'unless you put a donation in the envelope every week, you are not part of this community.'" Mary was still mad about it. She said "fine! you won't baptize my children and then they will go to hell!" Mary had more emotions because she is Catholic girl (I hadn't known that) and grew up in Catholic schools, she felt betrayed by the church. I hadn't thought anything. I had just walked out, walked the 5 blocks to the synagogue across the street from me, and asked the rabbi if he would marry us, and he said no also. And then I realized I had a problem on my hands. Getting married wasn't so easy.

"If you were a Catholic girl, you got to wear one of those beautiful white bride dresses for First Holy Communion" I said to Mary, "I always wanted that when I was a little girl." "Yes I did" she said. "You are lucky." She said she didn't wear white brides dress for her wedding, she wore lavender. I think in the end she went to Justice of the Peace. "Lavender is one of my favorite colors, I bet you looked pretty in it, with your blond hair, I bet you were a beautiful bride." Mary just smiled. But with her lovely blond hair and blue eyes, and sweet face, in a lavender dress, I bet she did look pretty, she is a beautiful woman. "There is only one picture, the others didn't come out.” "I'd love to see it" I said. It was the first time I had ever wanted to see someone's wedding photos, I don't know why. I guess because I know Mary and I love her, and I have only seen her in lifeguard clothes, a bathing suit and sweatshirt in winter, or bathing suit in summer. I never saw her in a dress, and it seems special, the dress she wore to her wedding.

It was time for Mary to go off duty, another lifeguard was replacing her, and she pointed out I only half hour to swim now, I might as well jump in. And it was good timing anyway, her kids are all teenagers now, but she and her husband have been having awful war for past year, neither of us wanted to go in that direction.

When she asked how long had I been married, I said how Bill and I had lived together for 16 years first and then I needed dental work and Bill had dental insurance from his job, so I said "let's get married," and he said "you have put up with my bullshit for so long I guess you deserve it." And so we went to get the Marriage License the next day. I laughed and said to Mary "that was my marriage proposal." She giggled and said "not very romantic." It was the first time I had told anyone how Bill proposed to me. "I was surprised" I told Mary "I thought he would be happy to marry me."

Mary was on board about getting married for dental insurance, "that's as good a reason as any" she said, but she didn't think the marriage proposal was romantic. I didn't care about dental insurance. I think once you have lived with someone for that long there has to be a precipitating factor to push it into marriage, otherwise you just keep letting it go. But you always know you want to get married, you are just procrastinating, it's an inertia. You are grateful for the precipitating factor which pushed you into it because it is what you always wanted. I actually find Bill's marriage proposal, which I never till yesterday thought of as a marriage proposal, interesting. It just describes our life so perfectly. It just sounds so much like me that I would say "Bill, dentist says it will cost 1600 dollars, you have dental insurance, let's get married." And Bill would say "you deserve it after what I have put you thru."

I really have no idea how anyone else got proposed to. You see it in the movies all the time but I have not heard specifics from one single other person.