5:55 AM Monday August 13 2007
“My mind is clearing up” (a fresh air current)
The amazing thing is I feel better. Suddenly twenty minutes ago the atmosphere in my mind clarified. I actually felt it. It was such a delicate subtle thing, and yet a definite thing, like a click. I don’t know how to describe it except to say it was like the air inside my mind was heavy dense oppressive intolerable, and then what would be akin to a fresh breeze, blew in, and suddenly a tiny patch of blue sky showed forth. All of a sudden it seemed like a lightening was possible, a clarifying was possible.
The huge heavy air in my mind stopped squatting over my whole mind. How much it lifted I have no idea, because it appears that all you need is one fresh air current to break up the whole density. It doesn’t matter that it was one tiny fresh air current, because it works like light at end of tunnel. The instant you glimpse that light, you know it's over. The instant I felt that first fresh air current, I had hope that the heavy stultifying air in my mind, would budge. I could see my way out of it.
I don’t know how long I was in that heavy air. It would be like a fever starting to break up. How could you possible gauge how long you tossed and turned in hot fevered sleep. All I know is I actually felt something change about a half hour ago while I was in the midst of kitchen chores, and it brought the idea of relief with it. The funny thing is it was a little like you had a record playing on a turntable, but because the record wasn’t set right on the little thing which sticks up which holds it in place, the record swerved wildly as it made its way around the turntable, it wobbled all over the place. And it was as if someone just came over and neatly lifted it into place, so the record moved around smoothly. That is what I mean by the click. I felt the record of my mind move around smoothly again.
It is odd that I woke up and did kitchen chores. It seems like such a natural and normal thing to do except that I have never done it before. I have never risen from sleep and wanted to do kitchen chores. I’ve always done them at another point in the day, when the day is in full swing. And it was in the middle of the kitchen chores that I felt the click.
The dream I had before I woke up was odd too. In the dream I found the story I wrote two years ago when the hot weather finally left and the wonderful cool refreshing weather came in. I knew (in real life) that I had written that story on October 9th, because I had come across it while looking for another story. And I had made note of it in my mind that the cool refreshing weather arrived on October 9th. In my dream I found my October 9th story, but it was a totally different story than about arriving at the club on such a beautiful day, and swimming in the pool on such a beautiful day, and meeting Layla and chatting with her in the lanes as we swam on such a beautiful day.
To my amazement the October 9th story in my dream was all about spies and skullduggery. There were good guys and bad guys, and somehow we were all posting on internet together, and trying to set someone free. And we had to be very careful what we said on internet so the bad guys would not know what we were talking about, not know our plans. We were planning together, but had to be so careful that we didn’t give anything away.
And in my dream I wasn’t just reading a story from two years ago, I was involved in the enterprise. I was thinking hard, how to post about it without giving anything away. In my dream I was totally in this October 9th world. The words October 9th occurred over and over in the dream.
And when I woke up and swung over to put my feet on floor to get up, I thought “well that’s a lot about October 9th.” I was so matter of fact about it in my mind. I didn’t think “what a crazy dream, so many spies and skullduggery.” I just treated it as something which had happened and wasn’t such a big deal, and now it was over, and I was going to put up the coffee and put away some of the groceries I hadn’t put away yesterday. I knew I was going to do kitchen chores. It didn’t seem an abnormal transition to go from spies and skullduggery to kitchen chores. It just seemed like “well enough of spies and skullduggery! time now for kitchen chores!”
I was totally into my kitchen chores and did not mind doing them. I did them all and when I finished I noticed one thing I could have done which I didn’t do. But it seemed like kitchen chores had ended, just like spies and skullduggery had ended. I made toast, buttered it, poured a cup of coffee, had some of it outside, and then came in to the machine.
No comments:
Post a Comment