“My Sunday”
written Monday morning September 24 2007
We turned the cooler down to low last evening and still it is very cold in the house this morning. And the outside was a little chilly when I had my coffee and buttered toast out there. The season has changed. I left the coolers on for the dogs last night, but even tho they were at low, I had to sleep under two blankets. It is a tiny too chilly for comfort right now on my bare arms, I am still in all cut-out summer clothes. But it is still very refreshing to be tad too chilly rather than too warm. After the long hot summer, this new chilliness is like a delicious frosted drink.
Everyone is delighting in the new weather. Beanie and Lulu played in their yard all evening, screaming and racing to the fence, carrying on, having a ball. The torpor from the heat is over, everyone is active and happy now. It’s like a big blanket of oppression being taken off, we are all free again.
I fell back asleep after I woke up first, pre-dawn, and got up to make the coffee. In my dream someone was telling me our friend Jill makes the most delicious fish salad, “you have to ask her to make it for you,” he said.
Bill took me to a movie at noon yesterday that he had enjoyed a lot, he found it so interesting. He sat with me for the first half hour, and then he switched to another movie he had not seen, the movie cashier had told him that was fine to do. So I was alone. And after he left the segments got weird. It is a movie of 18 segments. I stuck it out for one full hour, and then went to ask the movie cashier if I could switch movies too. There was another movie playing called “Becoming Jane” about the life of Jane Austin, and I thought I would enjoy that one. The cashier said she saw my movie and the first hour isn’t good but the second hour is good, and am I sure I don’t want to try to stick it out. So I went back but it got worse. And I decided not to see “Becoming Jane.” So instead I sat at a cafe table in the lobby to wait for Bill.
I put my purse on the cafe table and went thru all my receipts, the ones at the bottom of my pocketbook and the ones in my wallet. I threw out all my grocery receipts and receipts for clothes I had bought that I was already wearing. I was very happy going thru all my receipts and throwing out the ones I had no reason to hold on to. When I finished that I polished my fingernails with the new red nail polish I had bought the day before. And I liked the red and I liked how my fingernails looked. Then I found a tiny little purse with two lipsticks in it, and I opened up the lipsticks but they had not survived the desert summer heat. One seemed to be in fairly ok shape so I lipsticked my lips.
I thought I really shouldn’t tell Bill I couldn’t stand the movie, he put so much effort into bringing me because he wanted me to be happy. And I managed to keep my mouth shut for about two seconds. But instant he said “did you like the movie?” I said “no.” And then I said how I walked out after an hour and threw away my receipts and polished my nails, and I liked that a million times more than watching the movie.
He said his movie was weird too, but for some reason Bill doesn’t mind weird movies. He likes going to the movies, he has a good time. But I guess entertainment only works for me when I am home on bed with my doggies. I enjoy the books I read, I enjoy watching TV. I even would have liked this movie if it had come on tv. At night before I went to sleep I asked my Higher Self why I didn’t like the movie and She said “it was unreal.” But if I had been comfortable at home I wouldn’t have minded it. It would have been a diversion, that it took place in Paris and was in French. And I wouldn’t have gotten impatient at the bad segments, I would have closed my eyes and just chit-chatted with my Higher Self all thru them. I guess I don’t like movies to be in my face. I prefer them on tv so I can choose whether to have them as a backdrop or actually concentrate, or go back and forth. And I like being sprawled out in comfort clothes on my bed, instead of dressed up for movie theater date.
Bill likes to be out of the house. He is like me as a kid. Any bad movie was better than just staying home at loose ends. Just being out is an adventure and exciting and more interesting than being home. Being home is the place I didn’t want to be as kid, except in the evenings. And Bill is like that. He likes activities outside during the day, and just coming home for the evenings. Even when he does get back home, now that the weather has cooled down after sundown, he reads his book outside and listens to the radio outside, until he comes in to make supper at 8:30.
It’s inconceivable to Bill I would not enjoy a good movie. But I like to be at home if I am not swimming or shopping or buying myself a treat at the store, or going to the library. I love my own outside activities, but if it is not one I love, then I would rather be home. I enjoy being at home. Because I did not enjoy my treat of a movie one bit I wanted a treat I would like. So after the pool I asked Bill if he would take me to OPT (Old Pueblo Traders) which is on the way home, not very far out of the way. He hates going there, it is just a clothes store for women, there is nothing else around, he has to sit in the parking lot, and it is a boring parking lot. He said “can you do it in 10 minutes?” “Yes, I said, “thank you.”
I wanted to buy new shoes. Ever since I read a channeling by God 3 nights ago, in “Heaven Letters” where God communicates a letter to Gloria each morning-- This letter was about how to be happy all the time. And it began off with, “think about the things which make you happy, fresh air, beautiful weather, bird song, buying new shoes, a bargain, hearing from an old friend.” I don’t remember what else was in there. As soon as God said buying new shoes, suddenly I wanted new shoes. Shoes is something I rarely buy because I go barefoot all the time. I haven’t bought shoes in a long time.
Altho the last time Maria and I went to the Authors Luncheon, she said “look at my new shoes aren’t they pretty!” They were hot-pink patent leather flats. I wouldn’t have chosen them for myself, but Maria loved them and kept dancing around in them and looking at them and loving them, and the more I looked at them the more I liked them. “Where did you get them?” I asked. “I got them yesterday, on sale for 20 dollars at TJ Max.” “I like them I want them, I will go and get a pair too.” “They have them in black, and white, and this color, no red!” she said. Maria loves red. So the next day I asked Bill to take me after the pool and sure enough they were there. It was in the middle of the hot summer. I wanted to do it all very fast, he was in sweltering hot parking lot. They are cute and fun and give me a lift, but they aren’t me. I don’t mind wearing them, and maybe they were the perfect shoes to wear during a summer which was so hot I lost my mind.
But when God said “buying new shoes makes you happy, and a bargain makes you happy,” I instantly had a passion to buy beautiful new shoes, which were me, which I wanted. I went in the store very quickly, I only had 10 minutes. “Where are your shoes?” I asked the women who greeted up. “Up on the balcony” she said. I saw a room off the balcony saying “Clearance,” and went there right away. It said “All shoes are $9.99.” I saw flats which were a pretty shade of blue, they are a little odd but I like the shade of blue. But I really wanted heels. Suddenly I like wearing high heels again, if they are not too high. It took me a while to find the section which had heels. But there was pretty pair of sandal heels in persimmon, and a pretty pair of sandal ones in a light green. The woman was willing to help me find the box in my size. So I took all 3 to check-out, the flats in nice shade of blue, but a little peculiar; and persimmon heels and light green ones. I said “your sign says ‘Buy one, get one free.’” She said “that doesn’t apply to shoes.” I said “that is OK, these shoes are a bargain anyway.” And I bought the 3 pairs.
I instantly told Bill “I got 3 pairs of shoes and they are a bargain and I am so happy.” I thought he would like it that an outing made me happy, he had worried so much I wouldn’t like the movie. Of course I didn’t let on to Bill that the rest of the way home I thought “what have I done! are these really the right shoes! are they really the right color!” But I always go thru that after I buy anything. I afflict my mind thinking I made a mistake. But it’s still exciting having new shoes.
I thought maybe Bill didn’t like to wait in the parking lot, I was very fast, but it was still 15 minutes. So to distract him I said “do you think I am a tiny bit too plump?” I know Bill thinks I am as fat as a house. He is so thin and he believes in being thin. He said “I can’t talk! I am in traffic!” But I thought, I bet he returns to this topic, he would love the topic of me being on a diet. And so I sat quietly, and sure enough, when we were out of traffic and on our way home, he returned to the topic.
It was so funny because he was putting so much effort into being subtle and considerate, and I had only brought up the topic because I knew it was one he would go for big-time. He said “why do you ask? did you try on clothes and couldn’t fit into any of them?” And then he reminded himself I had gone in to buy shoes. “That’s right, you just bought shoes” he said. Actually I had planned to wear the brand new skirt I had bought last year this time to the movies, and when I tried it on, it sure was a pretty skirt, but loose at the waist. I actually have gone down one size, and I have to remember that because everything I buy is now just slightly too big.
I said to him “I went down one size.” “Good!” he said “good!” But he still wanted to discuss my diet. “You are fat because you eat all the time” he said, “and drink a lot of soda, soda is very fattening.”
He was so happy talking about what I eat, and how I should eat like him, he never eats, that this lasted all the way to our driveway. My main preoccupation is I didn’t want him to be unhappy that he took me to the movies and I hated the movie, so I said “I had a great time, Bill, I loved my swim and I love my new shoes.” And he said “it was ok we went to the movies, cause otherwise the morning would have gone on way too long and it wouldn’t have made us happy.”
And to my surprise he turned out to be right about that. I hadn’t liked the movie, but the outing had shortened the morning, and been an activity, an experience. And I had great swim and I bought 3 pairs of new shoes. It wound up being a great Sunday. And I went in to read my mystery completely happily on my bed. And fed the dogs delicious supper. And Bill went for long bike ride in the cool air.
While dogs had glorious time carrying on in their yard and at the fence.
And when Bill came in to make his supper he told me all about Eleanor Roosevelt.
He is reading her biography. So far in the book she is 18 years old, and has to face her Coming Out party which she doesn’t want. She doesn’t want her coming out party, and all the balls and social season which follows. Her family had sent her to finishing school in England, but the head of the finishing school, Madame Sylveste, was an intellectual and a socialist. She had fired up Eleanor’s idealism and her mind and when Eleanor had finished finishing school and come back home to New York City, other girls from Eleanor’s class were all caught up in the settlement house movement to help the poor. Plus unions had just started, they were started by the shirtwaist workers, all girls. Eleanor was 18 and the girls were all 20. They were Jewish girls and Italian girls who had gone into the shop right off the boat, and they were on strike. Eleanor did not want her coming out party and her social season of all balls and being written up in the society pages, she was scared. Plus she wanted the new world Madame Sylveste had introduced her to. And back in New York City it was all happening and she wanted to be part of it.
She did not have a happy childhood. Eleanor’s mom had gone to Heaven, her father was in disgrace with the family, and sent down South, and Eleanor had to live with her grandmother on East 37th Street. Her grandmother dressed her in clothes which were totally old-fashioned and awful, and the result is that at the private school Eleanor was sent to none of the girls would have anything to do with her. Eleanor spent all her time in the attic reading and having fantasies. She had a horrible childhood. Altho she loved her father dearly and he loved her dearly, but things didn’t work out for them to be together. He would promise to come see Eleanor and then get drunk and forget to see her.
She is just at the point when the coming out party is being prepared for her. It will be in November, her birthday, and then the social season begins right afterward, and she is dreading it. The newspapers write it all up, and she doesn’t want to be in the newspapers. And after she came back from Madame Sylveste’s she is disgusted with all her uncles, all they do is drink and carry on, and one of them actually fired shots out the window. They have spent the summer at their country estates in Long Island or Westchester, playing tennis, having sport, and they are all looking forward to the horse show at Madison Square Garden.
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