stories of my life in Tucson AZ and NYC

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

“A new start in more ways than one”


"Tucson" by Felix Pasilis


September 3rd 2007, Labor Day, 6:46 AM
A new start in more ways than one”


Today is a lovely morning. It is starting to dry up. Finally! Monsoon season is coming to an end. Thank God. Everything will be easier if we have drier air. It means the nights will cool down again. It means the house won’t be filled with bugs biting you. And the heat won’t burn. Also spirits rise when the air is not heavy dense and hot. The cool weather does not arrive until October but September can offer a lot of relief. If it is willing to cool down to 98, and with longer nights and shorter days, if it will just dry up out there, our weather will become bearable. September has a lot to offer.


We have made it thru another long hot horrible summer. An endurance test, an ordeal. And none of us is the same person we were before it began. It is a long purification process-- being subjected to such prolonged intensity, and the absolute simplification of your life in response.

But we did it! September is here and September is anti climax. Soon the song birds will start arriving from the north. Somewhere far up north cold will start to crawl in, and the birds will take wing for sunnier warmer climes. The birds who winter in Tucson will start arriving in 3 weeks, and bring their new wonderful melodies with them.


And they will bring fresh new cold air currents. The birds bring more than their song when they arrive. They bring the world of the north to us here in the deep south. And their songs sing the cool weather into coming to us too. The wind currents follow the song of the birds and find their way to Tucson, the wonderful fresh cool air of the north. By early October the birds will all be here, and they will have brought the weather they sang to here.


And the desert will rise up in beauty to greet it. We have a great beauty here. We are the world of the purple mountains. We are the world of the deep deep flawless blue huge sky, and the brilliant radiant sun. We are the world of crystal clarity. Our beauty has been denied to us all thru the long hot horrible summer. We dwelt in a world unfit for man or beast. I don’t know why we all had to go thru all this. But we did. And we are changed from it. The long monotony had its virtues. Life lived so long stripped down to bare essentials does leave you free-er when it’s over.

I haven’t figured out yet how to get the clutter out of the house, that will take an effort, but there is zero clutter left in my life. And maybe that is what the summer does for us, it empties out our life. Chairs may be filled up with clothes and pocketbooks and what not, but days are empty as can be. The great simplification has taken place. What the new year will bring I don’t know. But the Jewish New Year arrives in 3 weeks, which is when the new year on the desert starts too. When life starts up again after the long simplification process has ended.


And if your life is a mirror of your mind, an outward projection of what is in your mind, then despite the ups and downs of emotions this summer, there is a start of sanity. A shift away from madness to peace has definitely occurred. Outbreaks of madness are shorter and further apart and less consuming. In that sense it is like a seasonal change, when an old season is on its way out and new season is on its way in. Some shifts have occurred in my major relationships, my feelings about them are more peaceful. Hahaha maybe my mind is clearing up. Because the people I am closest to are starting to come into focus for me. It’s like there was a thousand distorting lenses between me and them. And it’s like one-by-one each distorting lens has been lifted.

When I will reach the bottom of the distorting lenses I don’t know -- when there is nothing to distort between me and them, and I see them all perfectly clearly and perfectly peacefully. But an end goal is like a Shangri-la fantasy, like the dream of winning the jackpot lottery. It isn’t where I live. Where I live is where I am right now. And O what a difference it makes, that half the distorting lenses have been evaporated from my mind. And so much madness went with it. Total sanity I know not what it is. But the beginnings of sanity I am now living. And I love it. This is the true beginning for me.

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