stories of my life in Tucson AZ and NYC

Monday, April 28, 2008

"The Shopping Trip"



Tucson, painting by Felix Pasilis

Monday, April 28, 2008 7:30 AM

"The Shopping Trip"

Buzzing black bumblebee

It’s quite pretty out right now. A waterfall of green, cascading green from the top of the blue sky. It’s a yellow green, so yellow sun must be shining on all the leaves now. Birds are chirping. It is warm and summery and has May Day written all over it. There are even some lovely breezes which come and go and ruffle the leaves. It is a nice morning.

Yesterday was not a peachy-keen day for me. I did a shopping trip. I don’t know why I did it. Maybe because it was Sunday, the day when traffic is so light. And maybe because I got an email notice 40 per cent off whatever you spend in the store. Maybe because I had been promising myself this since my birthday and never did it. Maybe because I knew the big heat would be coming in fairly soon and didn’t want to be driving around in that. Whatever the reason is, on the way to Fort Lowell Pool I asked Bill in the car if he needed art supplies. “Yes I do,” he said, “I’m out of oil pastels, I am out of charcoal, I am out of..” (I forgot the other thing). “So will you take me to Lane Bryant after swimming?” I said. “Yes” he said. The art supply store, Michael’s, and Lane Bryant are in the same shopping center at Kolb and Broadway.

We had nice swim in water a little too chilly for comfort and I quickly showered and washed my hair. He was waiting in the truck. And we set off. The first thing he said was “I don’t want to be doing this, I am doing it for you.” Which let me know he was not gung-ho about this trip. His resistance grew even greater as we drove along. But he chose a nice route, we swung around and could see the mountains on all sides. I liked the drive.

Our two stores are at opposite ends of huge shopping center. So there was one of those conversations about logistics, as he parked in front of my store. Which wound up with me saying, “forget it! I won’t buy clothes, you won’t buy art supplies, we'll just go home!” So we decided I would get off here and shop. He would walk all the way back to Michael’s, pick out the art supplies he wanted. Walk all the way back. We’d meet at the truck and then drive over. I’d pay with my credit card. And then he’d take me to Long John Silver’s for my snack. During my swim I had been starving the whole time, I forgot to eat before we left to swim.

I didn’t know why he didn’t want to drive himself to Michael’s and drive himself back. But he didn’t. And that was up to him. I knew I would be long time in store. I hadn’t shopped in long time and I didn’t intend to shop again for long time. And this store is very out of the way. And (obviously) he doesn’t like coming here.

They didn’t really have any bargains. I went to the clearance corner first, and nothing was really a bargain, and nothing was very nice. But I picked out a few items and then asked the sales girl. I said “my husband doesn’t like driving here, so can you show me your favorite things in the store.” And she said “I’ll show you the new items which just came in.”

And between one thing and another, a lot of items were found. She chose a few items from the new stuff for me. And then she went to the clearance corner and found some items she liked. And she chose a top in the new stuff which she said with all the discounts is only 12 dollars. And then I discovered in a corner, new stuff which is no longer the new stuff, it is not marked down yet, but is not prominently displayed. It must have been the new stuff when spring first started. It was two tops and a skirt I liked. All the other stuff was stuff which I thought ‘that could work,’ but these two tops and skirt were pretty, my eyes were drawn to them right away, it is just what I like. I like that sweetheart style, and I like those colors, heathery green and heathery light purple. And I like that material too, kind of linen-y. So I added that at the end.

And I knew all together this was going to cost a fortune. I’m surprised I decided to do it. I prepared myself not to be shocked by saying, “it will come to $120.” But instead it was $167, which is a lot of money. And is maybe why I was up half the night worrying about money.

It was Sunday, it was the 40 per cent off sale, store was crowded, I had to wait in line to pay. And there appeared Bill, hot bothered and bewildered. “I just have to pay” I said.

When I got out, he was buzzing like one of those huge big black bumblebees which get trapped on the screen, and don’t realize the open window is right next to it. “Let’s just go home!” he said, “I don’t want any art supplies!” “No!” I said, “we're here, let’s go get your art supplies.” “I waited in the truck for you long time, it was so hot.” “I’m sorry” I said, “I’m sorry, let’s go get the art supplies.” He refused but I wanted him to cave in. I knew if he bought art supplies, it would excite him and make him happy, and take the edge off all the waiting around he did for me.

So he relented and drove over there and parked by Long John Silver. Because he hated the idea he was going to have to take me there afterwards.

We went into Michael’s, he found the art supplies he had picked out for himself right away. They were very good price which made him very happy. And I asked the cashier if there were any coupons in today’s paper for what Bill chose. And it turned out one had a 3 dollar coupon off, which she took out of her drawer and had me sign for. Saving 3 dollars didn’t seem like a big deal to me when I was plotzing from having spent $167, but I knew it would make Bill happy and it did. All his art supplies had come to 20 dollars, I had spent a whole lot more money than he did. I had bought a ton of clothes, the bag was so heavy I could hardly carry it, the bag with his art supplies was so light you could hardly feel it.

Then I ordered fish sandwich, plus extra slice of fish for 99 cents, at Long John Silver’s. But it was so crowded on a Sunday, it was a very long wait to be served. And I looked up and there was Bill, he had gotten tired of waiting in hot car.

Actually when I think about it, we both negotiated all the difficulties very well. We had harmonious drive home. And I thanked him for all the favors and said he made me very happy, and I love what I got shopping, which I do. And I loved my snack which I ate in the car, which I did.

And then because I was wiped out by such an unusual afternoon, I went in to lie down in front of tv. And he waited till it got cool and went up on roof to work on the coolers, which he did for a long time. Before he went on roof he drove to Sunflower Market for makings for spaghetti sauce. We always have opposite rhythms about these things. He is dazed and confused while we do our shopping trips, but then clear and enterprising when we get home, he worked on the roof for hours and then made the spaghetti sauce. Whereas I am clear and enterprising while we do the shopping trip, but dazed and confused and out of sorts when we get home. We are the reverse of each other.

And I think everything would have been fine but we ran into a few problems of our own, which had nothing to do with our shopping excursion. Something irritated him while he was cooking, I don’t know what, maybe a bug flew into the sauce. I heard him cursing out a bug. And somehow the cursing went on a long time. Maybe he was not enjoying cooking, he was forcing himself to finish it. And he washed all the dishes which were in the sink, and maybe that made him curse too. And then he went in to watch tv. And it was one of the nights where nothing was on. So he was frustrated and bored and started to complain.

I had spent a long time in front of the tv with nothing on too, but somehow the shows were pleasant enough to hold my interest. But I got up and went to computer and checked email, and started to post on my news forum. Beanie wanted to be with Bill, Bill wanted Beanie with him. And when I am in back bedroom watching tv, Beanie is always by me.

Posting was a good solution for a girl who had not had satisfying tv watching for past few hours. Because I could concentrate and be fully engaged. Bill doesn’t seem to have an alternative when tv doesn’t work. Altho he called out “Monster-in-law’ with Jane Fonda is on,” so I guess he found a movie which held his interest. And then both of us unruffled our feathers. I got caught up posting about topics which interest me, and enjoying the posts of others, and having conversation.

And then I decided to call it a night. I watched a little of “Monster-in-law” but she was torturing that poor girl. So I switched to “MASH,” and it was a very interesting show. And then I shut off the tv and the light and went to sleep. Till some time around 2 am when I was wide awake and worried about money. I know an extravagant shopping trip won’t break me. What will break me is the big car repair bill from last week, which will show up on Credit Card in two days. And paying property taxes tomorrow, which will show up on Credit Card next month. And it’s really not fair to myself to make such a production that I spent $167 in Lane Bryant, when those are the two bills which are going to swamp the whole ship.

I had just read a Letter from God that morning, communicated by God to Gloria Wendroff, she takes down a letter from God every morning and posts it on her site and every day I read it. And the one for yesterday morning was really and truly about “don’t worry!” God really wants us to break the habit of worrying. Not only is it a waste, He said, but it lowers your spirits, it brings you down. And so I was up for the next 3 hours both worrying and trying not to worry. Worrying wasn’t getting me anywhere, but neither was trying not to worry. Worrying wasn’t solving my money problem, but trying not to worry was not solving my worry problem. I was just too bogged down and wide awake in my mind.

I tried to watch tv to distract myself, and by a miracle I found a very interesting movie. But there were too many commercial interruptions. I liked being in the movie because it took me out of my mind, but every 10 minutes I had to mute it for the ads and be back in my mind. LOL! At 4 am movie was over, it had very happy ending, and the morning shows began, and I wondered if I was just going to be up all night. It’s funny that I had turned into that huge black bumblebee, frustrated and upset that I can’t get thru the screen, when the open window is right there. But I guess that is the kind of day it was.... And now it is Monday new day and new week, and hopefully I will find a way to rise above all of this....

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