“diary of a revolutionary”

Golden Eagle Soaring
Sunday, May 25 2008, 5:41 AM

“diary of a revolutionary”

So much has happened. The lawyer who is suing me dismissed the case. Mazel tov! I am still involved in the huge process of trying to change my perception. Which still seems like an impossible thing to happen, I mean how does one ever succeed at this?! But at least I am trying and you don’t know what will happen when you try. To me it seems like trying to swim across the Atlantic Ocean. But hey! I have taken my first strokes, I am on my way, we'll see what happens. At least I have a big project I am working on, I am trying to swim across the Atlantic Ocean. But that is just an image. It means I can’t see the other side, and it appears like vast impossible distance between where I am and where I want to end up. In fact I know nothing about the ocean I am trying to swim across, all I know is I am doing it. LOL I guess my childhood dream of being Esther Williams swimming the Channel manifested after all. But not at all as I expected.

And on the political front I am now running for office, which is an astounding development for me, Naturally it does not compare to swimming across the Atlantic Ocean, which is where my whole inner life is now. But still, the last thing I ever expected to do was to run for office. And I guess it too is embarking on a new adventure. And at least it is something I can communicate to others about. I can’t really communicate to anyone about trying to change my perception, even tho it feels like the biggest thing I have ever tried to do. Because unless someone is engaged in it too, how will they understand what I am talking about? It would either frustrate them or bore them to read about it. I did write two stories about this experience and sent it off to Rick in New York, who loves my writing so much. And what I got back was an email “why don’t you write about your early days in women’s liberation, that is social history, everyone will want to read about that.” Which is a very polite way of saying “this bores me, but I’d love to hear about women’s liberation starting off.”

Yes women’s liberation starting off was very interesting. It too was a revolution in consciousness. But it would mean talking about something which happened back then. And the revolution in consciousness I am engaged in now is so much bigger. Plus it is what is happening now, it is how I spend my days now, I am in the midst of this now. I am actually actively trying to topple an old perception for myself, to allow the new one to show forth. It feels like climbing a mountain.

And as much as I love and adore Rick, he's the greatest friend a girl ever had. Is he really interested in how women changed their consciousness back then, or is this all about sex and gossip. After all we were all wild hippy chicks back then. And yes we were sleeping around. We weren’t sleeping around for the sake of sleeping around, we were all looking for boyfriends. Rick is 20 years older than I am. Telling him about my experiences in women’s liberation back then, back then when I was one of those hippy chicks, in a group of hippy chicks, back in the late ‘60s, was his only entry into a world he knew nothing about. Vivian’s editor back then at the “Village Voice,” sent her to one of our meetings to find out “what these chicks are up to?” And for Rick, especially because the women’s liberation movement yielded so much results in the world he is in, academia, I mean it turned into something, those meeting back then -- the combination is kind of irresistible to him. He wants to know all about those hippy chicks back then who did this. What tantalizes him is knowing we were wild hippy chicks sleeping around, and did this thing. Because I was close to Rick during this time, he is one of the few who does know it. What I am trying to say is, even if I were to try to gratify Rick’s curiosity and actually wrote about what it was all like back then, I don’t believe it interests him our transformation in consciousness back then, which yielded this movement. He just wants to read about wild hippy chicks sleeping around while making a revolution. LOL he is a guy, he is interested in what interests guys.

As for the Ron Paul Revolution, the reason I am running for office, I really have no idea how to think about it? I am so used to having two sides of my life which never touch. On internet I am totally involved in the Ron Paul Revolution and when I watch political news on tv and it is something I do think about a lot. But I am so used to having 3 sides of my life which don’t really overlap very much. My internet life, which is all politics and centered in the Ron Paul Revolution, which I guess can best be described as going to meetings on the net, on a political news forum. Then my Tucson life, which is swimming and shopping, mostly grocery shopping. And then my inner life which is new age transformation. O and writing, I forgot about that. The thing about running for office is it is a nexus between my internet life and my Tucson life.

It means I have to get signatures on a petition and try to get them done right, and fill out an affidavit and have it notarized, and bring both down to Pima County Recorders Office, all the way downtown, and do this all before June 2nd, the deadline. And then I will be on the ballot for the Republican Party Primary on September 2nd, since the Ron Paul Revolution now seems to be about taking over the Republican Party in each of our States. I am willing to do all this. Altho I am not used to having a big out-in-the-world life in Tucson. Usually I go swimming, grocery shop, and come home and that is that. Everything else takes place in my house, in my mind. I engage with the world thru internet and email, or television.

I definitely do feel pushed out of my little nest, and I know it is just a start. I will have to show up at meetings with the other members of the Ron Paul meet-up group who are also running for office, to plan our strategy and activities. And what happens when I am elected! I will have to show up at stuff too. It just seems funny to me, that while at exactly the same time, I am going so much deeper into my own mind, to try to make this transformation, which seems so incredible to me, which still seems utterly impossible to me, but I want it above everything else in the world. At the exact same time, I, who have not been an activist since the early days of women’s liberation, am actually going to be a political activist again. Have a new life of political activity, trying to make a revolution here in Tucson and Arizona.

Willy-nilly I am doing it.

I can’t not do it.

I will be an office holder in the Republican Party, and who knows what that will mean. It sounds so VIP. Which is funny for me because my mind and heart have been so engaged in other things. I have been treating it as chores of daily living. “I have to write out check for my electric bill, call home insurance and have them look at cooler, why it is making that awful noise, take my affidavit to bank and list of signatures and have it notarized and take it downtown to Pima Recorders Office.” I have been treating it as something I have to do to get it off my mind, to have it taken care of. But it is a political revolution. And I will have a lot to contribute by being part of it. I may be inept at running for office, but I have thought about the Ron Paul Revolution almost 24/7 for solid year, and been on internet about it for good block of every day. I just never expected I would get up from internet and do something about it....

But I, who was in women’s liberation, should know better. I know there are meetings and there are actions. I haven’t joined any of the actions for Ron Paul before. But the call came to run for office in Republican Party, and I answered that call. So obviously this is part of my destiny right now too.... I am starting a new life, lol a life in politics....