Tucson painting by Felix Pasilis
“Harry’s Birthday”
Today is Harry’s birthday. I sent him card on email yesterday. I thought maybe it was yesterday. I didn’t know the exact date, I knew just about when, and he thanked me and said “it is tomorrow.” I was glad I was so close, also that I did it was day before rather than day after. Because this year I really paid a lot of attention to my birthday, it was a huge deal to me, and I noticed it builds and builds and builds, and seems to climax the day before. Then your birthday is, and it is. And then the next day it is over. Birthday consciousness does not last after your birthday, but it builds as you near your birthday.
This past birthday consciousness was so intense for me because a few years after we moved to this house, I found a channeled book, I don’t know where, my neighbor Kay lent it to me? or I got it out of library? It was by one of those names which were popular back in the early ‘90s but you never hear that name anymore, and I don’t even remember who it was. And I don’t even know who the being who channeled it to the woman claimed he was.
It’s funny now thinking back, when I first began devouring New Age literature, first discovered it, how I didn’t even bother to try to have an inkling of who the channeler was. I remember reading the Michael books and I have no idea who Michael said he was. I think this guy may have been Kyros, some name like that and I don’t know who Kyros said he was. He may have channeled to some woman named EZ Knight.
I guess I was just starved for the information. All I cared about was the information. I devoured every book I could get my hands on. Took everyone out from the public library, bought everyone I could find in Bookman’s, the used bookstore, and borrowed from my neighbor Kay her whole new age library. I read them all. It’s possible I may have just finished doing A Course In Miracles, so I wasn’t looking for help with my problems in these books, A Course In Miracles had given me that. I was reading all these books as gum drops. For me A Course In Miracles was the 3 course meal of the New Age, and all these others were the delectable assortment of desserts.
Altho I did find one which was very deep and had very deep impact on me, and gave me a lot of understanding.
But most were just gumdrops. They were fun, they were interesting to me, and usually I took away one morsel from each one.
The morsel I got from the Kyros book was he said “you don’t have to get older, aging goes two ways, you can get older or you can get younger, and if you don’t want to get year older then don’t celebrate your birthday.” I read it a week before my birthday and I decided to do it. I didn’t celebrate my birthday that year and to my amazement I stayed the same age for two years. My birthday happened and I didn’t get a year older, I was the same age. After that I really started to fool around with my birthdays. I decided if I celebrated them early, I would get younger. By celebrate I meant, since Kyros didn’t explain, just be conscious it was my birthday. So I celebrated them a day early, or few days early, even one year two months early. I told people it was my birthday when it wasn’t. And on the day of my birthday I didn’t tell anyone. And if someone asked me when my birthday was, I gave the wrong day. I kept it in April but always few days earlier.
Since I have been doing this for the past 14 years, ever since I read that passage in Kyros’ book right before the birthday that year, you can imagine how intense it was for me this year, to actually celebrate my birthday, to allow all my birthday consciousness to fully arise, instead of suppressing it. I hadn’t had a birthday in 14 years. It was huge having a birthday. It seemed so incredibly huge to me. It was far more intense than Christmas. It was big.
I realized everyone goes thru this on their birthday. For anyone else it is an ordinary day, but for the person it builds for two weeks and it is huge. And I wanted to make more of an effort to remember when my friends have their birthday, and to send them card on email before or on it. I wanted to be part of their huge birthday experience, to acknowledge it.
A lot of interesting things happened because I believed what Kyros said in that book, and either did not celebrate my birthday at all or began celebrating it much earlier. When I had stayed the same age for two years when I first tried it, I did celebrate it few days early after that, to get few years younger. I had decided I would go back to 33 and stay there. And the result is, I really had no idea how old I was. I had lost track somewhere along the line. I know that few years after I began to swim at Fort Lowell pool when Jill was supervisor there, she came up to me with her clipboard and paper on it, saying “Parks Dept is doing survey on how old the swimmers are, how old are you?” And I looked her straight in the face and said “33 years old.” And she looked back at me and clearly did not believe me. But I clearly reiterated it, “I am 33 years old” and she wrote it down. But I could tell she didn’t believe it, by which I thought “I must not look 33, I wonder if this thing is working?” But by that time I was totally locked into it, I didn’t want to get older and if this was the way, I would do it. Oddly enough 8 years after that I was playing in the water at Racquet Club with a little girl, we were swimming and playing, I guess it was in the evening. And she said “how old are you Annie?” and I chirruped out “30, I am 30 years old.” And she looked me straight in the face and said “you don’t look that old.” Which made me giggle under my breath for about 10 minutes. “I don’t?” I said. “No” she said, “you look much younger.” “Thanks” I said.
I don’t know why I decided to have my birthday this year on my birthday, to celebrate my birthday. I guess suddenly I just did not care about getting older or younger. Plus age had lost all reality for me. Once you have totally fooled around with how old you are for past 14 years, and really have no idea how old you are, nothing is locked in concrete anymore, nothing is in cement. It is all immensely fluid in your mind.
Every year I would get birthday phone call from my kid brother on my birthday, and altho until this year, it was not the day I celebrated it on. And he would also have a comment on my age. To him it was completely real, whatever age I would be according to the arithmetic. In his phone message he would always empathize with whatever emotions he thought I was having about my birthday. Either he would say “it’s not a big one so you must be fine with it,” or, “wow this is a big one, I hope you are ok about it.” But since I hadn’t had any birthday, other than buying myself 5 presents at the mall the month before, I had no emotions about it. LOL my brother had all my emotions for me.
It is something I will have to talk about sometime, what the experience is like when we live in a totally different reality from our mom and our brother. There’s something very muffled about it, as if you are at the bottom of a deep well, and they are way up somewhere else, calling to you with the old reality. And you very faintly hear their murmurings, and know what they are referring to, but it is just not where you are at anymore. It doesn’t penetrate, as if they are talking to themselves. They are talking to you but it doesn’t reach you, so it is like a conversation between themselves. Altho strictly speaking the new reality is at a much higher vibration. So their words may be muffled to your ears, as if you are in a deep well. But probably we are all very high up in a tree when they call to us from the ground with the old reality...
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