Tucson painting by Felix Pasilis
“My weekend” (cooler broke, I wrote about women’s lib, and went to Republican Party meeting of PCs)
Tuesday early morning 7/15/08
I feel like so much has happened. The evaporative cooler in the west side of the house broke down on Thursday night. And it wasn’t till 11 am yesterday (Monday) that the repairman fixed it. So today marks the first morning I woke up when all is back to normal. I feel like they were 4 days of obsession. Beside the house being so hot without cooler, for some reason both Bill and I became obsessed.
He went right up on the roof himself on Friday morning to see if he could fix it himself, or if we had to call repairman. And even after he was not able to fix it and I did call the repairman and he said earliest time he could get to me was mid-morning Monday, Bill still did spend the 3 days up on roof trying to fix it.
The ostensible reason was so we could have relief in the house while waiting for repairman. But the truth was it was just a challenge he wanted to win. Bill is a great technician himself, and he simply wouldn’t believe he could not fix it. So for 3 days he was either up on roof trying to fix it, or thinking about how to fix it, or telling me all about it. It was the only thing in his mind.
When Bill is the technician I am drafted into assistant-to-the-technician. Which means orders are screamed at me from the roof. “Turn to pump only! SHUT IT OFF! Turn to low cool! SHUT IT OFF! Turn the circuit breaker back on!” I am constantly hopping around doing things.
I have no criticism whatsoever of Bill spending the 3 and a half days in obsession with fixing the cooler, because I spent the same time in obsession too. Perhaps this is how we each dealt with the fact that the cooler was not working and house was too hot in summer desert heat. On Thursday morning I wrote my first chapter about what women’s liberation was like back then. Then Friday morning a second chapter. Saturday morning a third chapter. And then all day Sunday trying to fix all the typos in it, so it would be done, and I could put my mind somewhere else.
Sunday was one of the strangest days in my whole life. I just sat here ignoring how hot house was, and I tried to face what I had written and to meticulously deal with all the typos. It was a ton of work. And my mind was completely back in women’s liberation. This went on till about 9 at night. All the time this was going on, Bill was on roof barking at me. “TURN IT ON! TURN IT OFF! Turn the circuit breaker back on!” And when he would finally come down from the roof, he would be saying non-stop to me his ideas about the cooler. And I would listen with one ear and continue fixing typos with the other ear.
We both took a rest from our obsession Sunday afternoon, when we went swimming and Bill went to movies and I watched TV. But instant he got home we each went back to our obsession. I was determined to keep going and finish it up. And when Bill was at movie theater, he remembered home insurance won’t pay for it if he had worked on it himself. So as soon as he got home, he had to go right back up on the roof and put everything back exactly as it was, and try to make it undetectable he had spent 3 days working on it. And then he spent 4 hours talking about it to me, as I was finishing up fixing the typos and trying to write a little preface to it.
We were both in complete obsession. Which is maybe OK. How else would we have gotten thru 4 days and 4 nights with no cooling in the house. LOL we both needed an activity which consumed us and took our minds off it.
Right in the middle of it, Saturday morning, I went to my very first meeting of the PCs (precinct committeemen) of the Republican Party in my District. And I had no idea beforehand this would mean walking into the lion’s den. I have no idea what I thought it would be like beforehand. But everyone there but me (altho I found out later Ted had been there, but he hadn’t said anything), so everyone there but Ted and me, and since I didn’t know he was there I thought I was alone, was establishment GOP. These were all office holders in the Republican Party. It was a totally awful experience in every way. And I got very upset during it, and I was very upset after it. And it wasn’t till we got back from swimming that I finally got over it. Hahaha I had no idea I had been completely happy during our 4 days of total obsession and no cooling, until I lost all my happiness at the meeting of the Republican office holders. And I was extremely happy to get back my happiness 3 hours after it was over. I never want to go thru that experience again.
At first naturally I wanted to rebel and never go back. But I guess I am far more committed to the Ron Paul revolution than I realized. And right now the Ron Paul revolution means taking over the Republican Party. Which now that I have been there, seems like an impossible task. But I am still willing to do it. So the way I will never have this experience again, is when I show up at the meeting each month with the other Republican office holders of my district, I will go completely differently. This time I know what it is like.
I will keep my mouth shut from now on. So I don’t have the experience of letting them all know who I am and what I want, which resulted in them all hating me. And I will already know who they are and what they want, which resulted in me hating all of them. I will keep my mouth shut, so I won’t experience that wave of hostility towards me. And now that I know who they are and what they want, it won’t hit me with an awful shock, and upset me so much. I will just stay very close to my Higher Self, and remain close to her mind of love and peace. I assumed I got so upset because they all hated me, but I realize now what knocked me off balance, was that I got mad at them. I can be detached from however they view me, but I will get thrown for a loop if I get mad at them.
Plus I won’t attract all their hostility if I keep my mouth shut. If I show up every month and keep my mind in place of peace and love, and keep my mouth shut, then they will eventually just get used to my physical presence there and ignore me. And I will learn a great deal.
What I learned at this first meeting was anathema to me. But if I take all the emotions out of the picture, just simply leave it as the awful ideas they believe and the awful laws they want to pass, then all it means is why we are doing this revolution in the first place. Obviously I had to see all the full awfulness up close and personal, to actually meet the people and the minds behind it. Things are the way they are because of them, these are the authors of it.
Now that it is 3 days later and all my emotions have cooled down, I can see how it made everything crystal clear to me. Why we must have this revolution, and what we are up against. It was an absolutely necessary learning experience, I see now. I had to know all this, and this was the only way to learn it (as unpleasant as it was). Ted told me on the phone that Lisa, I don’t know who she is, I never met her, had the identical experience as me. She went to 3 meetings and hated them all so much, and hated what they stood for so much, she dropped out of being PC, she couldn’t stand it. And believe me I fully understand why. Which is fine for Lisa, she doesn’t have her Higher Self to help her get thru those meetings but I do. And next time I will stay very close to my Higher Self.
And of course Ted is a good example for me. What fortitude he must have! He has been going for a whole year and is determined not to miss a single meeting. “I never knew a thing about Party politics,” Ted said, “now I am learning everything.” He considers it an invaluable learning experience. Which is the new attitude I want.
Right now I see no way we can accomplish anything in a short period of time. There are 3 of us in my District and 40 of them. And it is probably the same in all the Districts in Arizona. And the election for new PCs is only once a year. We can’t add to our numbers till a whole year goes past.
Nobody else in the Ron Paul Revolution is disturbed by the fact that this is a long haul, and would take 10 years to accomplish, 10 years for Ron Paul liberty-lovers to totally take over the Republican Party. But I believe heart and soul that the Mass Awakening on our planet will occur in two years. Which will mean everyone’s mind is lifted above the fear mind, we will all be in our higher mind.
These people in the Republican Party are good people. The problem is they let their fear do all their thinking for them. This is what keeps their mind in prison, and motivates their desire to imprison everyone else. So if Mass Liberation will occur in two years, it is unclear to me why I should be working so hard for something which would take ten years to accomplish, were there no Mass Liberation.
But maybe I am looking at this wrong. After all two years is a very long time. And if I take my mind off goal, and focus it in process instead, then how do I know how fruitful the process will be over next two years. Plus after all it is an adventure. Hahaha yes I had an awful experience on Saturday morning, but it was a new experience, and how do I know where this adventure will lead. And I did do the paperwork and get the signatures. I am now on the ballot in the Primary in September. And because I am running unopposed, I am now an office holder in the Republican Party myself. I am precinct committeeman in my district. I did something!
Photos from my brother's kayak trip last week
...at low tide we saw colonies of purple starfish.
we hiked a trail which led us to this lake...
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